My world

2011-11-03T18:51:00.000-04:00

2011-10-30T18:40:00.002-04:00

Well, the end of October is here. Where does the time go? The eastern area of the United States is facing an early winter. From Maryland on north, they had a major nor'easter this weekend, causing a lot of snow and ice damage. Down here, it went from a Friday that was near 80 degrees for a high to a low of near freezing last night and tonight.

Yesterday, I noticed that the voltage gauge in my truck wasn't where it should have been; I think that my 15 year-old alternator is shot. It is to the point now that my little pickup is probably going to start to nickel-and-dime me to death, so I guess I'm going to have to start keeping an eye out for a cheap, simple pickup truck to replace it. I don't need anything major, as long as it has an air conditioner.

My son turned 11 this past week. I seems like just yesterday that I was carrying him around in a baby carrier. He is growing up way too fast.

Ten years ago today...

2011-09-11T17:18:00.002-04:00

On this day in 2001, I had just gotten off work at 0330 and went home to get a few hours of sleep. It was Dad's birthday, so I took the day off, and planned on getting about 3 or 4 hours of sleep before driving across town to the Walmart to buy him a birthday present (it would be his first DVD player). I woke up around 0830 or so, and - unusual for me - did not turn on the TV. I jumped in the shower, got dressed, and headed out around 0930 or so. As I was driving to the Walmart, the radio DJ was talking about how the Red Cross was mobilizing and that they would be needing blood for the folks in New York. I remember thinking to myself, "Huh, must've had a bad accident up north," and didn't give it much more thought.

As I pulled into the parking lot of the Walmart, I noticed two police cars parked side by side in the parking lot. While not unusual, the Walmart parking lot usually isn't the favored spot to go door to door, since there are a lot of citizen interruptions in such a high-visbility area. I parked and walked inside, and that is when I first realized that something really big was happening. You see, at this time, the Walmart I was in was the only Walmart in Jacksonville, and it was one of the three busiest Walmarts in the entire Eastern US. But on this morning, as I walked in, you could have heard a pin drop. The front security monitor that hangs from the ceiling that lets shoppers see themselves walking in to remind potential shoplifters that they are being videoed was tuned to the news, and people - shoppers and employees - were gathered around it. I watched as the video showed the first tower being hit, and I thought to myself, "Wow, just like the B-25 that hit the Empire State Building. Someone really screwed up." Then I saw the second impact. Holy shit! It couldn't be!! I couldn't believe that America was under attack.

The walk through Walmart was surreal. I went to the electronics section and picked out Dad's DVD player, and I didn't have any problems getting around because everybody in the back area of the store was gathered around the TV's in electronics.

I dropped off Dad's gift, and I went to work.

In the days that followed, people saw terrorists everywhere. I had grown men thank me for being a police officer while tears streamed down their faces. Cars people didn't recognize around various infrastructure locations were suddenly terrorists probing for more targets. We feard for our water supply. We were afraid of a lot of things.

America changed a lot that day. But guess what? Since that day, I've visited many Walmarts, and purchased many things, and I'm still raising and taking care of my family, and as long as I am able to keep doing that, the terrorists haven't won.

Obi-Wan Kenobi Is Dead, Vader Says

2011-05-13T19:52:00.001-04:00

CORUSCANT — Obi-Wan Kenobi, the mastermind of some of the most devastating attacks on the Galactic Empire and the most hunted man in the galaxy, was killed in a firefight with Imperial forces near Alderaan, Darth Vader announced on Sunday.

In a late-night appearance in the East Room of the Imperial Palace, Lord Vader declared that “justice has been done” as he disclosed that agents of the Imperial Army and stormtroopers of the 501st Legion had finally cornered Kenobi, one of the leaders of the Jedi rebellion, who had eluded the Empire for nearly two decades. Imperial officials said Kenobi resisted and was cut down by Lord Vader's own lightsaber. He was later dumped out of an airlock.

The news touched off an extraordinary outpouring of emotion as crowds gathered in the Senate District and outside the Imperial Palace, waving imperial flags, cheering, shouting, laughing and chanting, “Hail to the Emperor! Hail Lord Vader!” In the alien protection zone, crowds sang “The Ten Thousand Year Empire.” Throughout the Sah'c district, airspeeder drivers honked horns deep into the night.

“For over two decades, Kenobi has been the Jedi rebellion’s leader and symbol,” the Lord of the Sith said in a statement broadcast across the galaxy via HoloNet. “The death of Kenobi marks the most significant achievement to date in our empire’s effort to defeat the rebel alliance. But his death does not mark the end of our effort. There’s no doubt that the rebellion will continue to pursue attacks against us. We must and we will remain vigilant at home and abroad.”

Obi-Wan Kenobi ’s demise is a defining moment in the stormtrooper-led fight against terrorism, a symbolic stroke affirming the relentlessness of the pursuit of those who turned against the Empire at the end of the Clone Wars. What remains to be seen, however, is whether it galvanizes Kenobi’s followers by turning him into a martyr or serves as a turning of the page in the war against the Rebel Alliance and gives further impetus to Emperor Palpatine to step up Stormtrooper recruitment.

In an earlier statement issued to the press, Kenobi boasted that striking him down could make him "more powerful than you could possibly imagine."

How much his death will affect the rebel alliance itself remains unclear. For years, as they failed to find him, Imperial leaders have said that he was more symbolically important than operationally significant because he was on the run and hindered in any meaningful leadership role. Yet he remained the most potent face of terrorism in the Empire, and some of those who played down his role in recent years nonetheless celebrated his death.

Given Kenobi’s status among radicals, the Imperial Galactic government braced for possible retaliation. A Grand Moff of the Imperial Starfleet said late Sunday that military bases in the core worlds and around the galaxy were ordered to a higher state of readiness. The Imperial Security Bureau issued a galactic travel warning, urging citizens in volatile areas “to limit their travel outside of their local star systems and avoid mass gatherings and demonstrations.”

The strike could deepen tensions within the Outer Rim, which has periodically bristled at Imperial counterterrorism efforts even as Kenobi evidently found safe refuge it its territories for nearly two decades. Since taking over as Supreme Commander of the Imperial Navy, Lord Vader has ordered significantly more strikes on suspected terrorist targets in the Outer Rim, stirring public anger there and leading to increased criminal activity.

When the end came for Kenobi, he was found not in the remote uncharted areas of Wild Space and the Unknown Regions, where he has long been presumed to be sheltered, but in a massive compound about an hour’s drive west from the Tatooine capital of Bestine. He had been living under the alias "Ben" Kenobi for some time.

The compound, only about 50 miles from the base of operations for the Imperial Storm Squadron, is at the end of a narrow dirt road and is roughly eight times larger than other homes in the area, which were largely occupied by Tusken Raiders. When Imperial operatives converged on the planet on Saturday, following up on recent intelligence, two local moisture farmers “resisted the assault force” and were killed in the middle of an intense gun battle, a senior Stormtrooper said, but details were still sketchy early Monday morning.

A representative of the Imperial Starfleet said that military and intelligence officials first learned last summer that a “high-value target” was hiding somewhere on the desert world and began working on a plan for going in to get him. Beginning in March, Lord Vader worked closely with a series of several different Admirals serving onboard the Death Star to go over plans for the operation, and on Friday morning gave the final order for members of the 501st Legion (known commonly as "Vader's Fist") to strike.

Kenobi and a group of his followers were eventually captured while fleeing the system, and taken aboard the Death Star, which was in the midst of surveying the recent environmental disaster on Alderaan. Darth Vader called it a “targeted operation,” although officials said four tie fighters were lost because of "mechanical failures" and had to be destroyed to keep them from falling into hostile hands.

In addition to Kenobi, two men and one wookiee were killed, one believed to be his young apprentice and the other two his couriers, according to an admiral who briefed reporters under Imperial ground rules forbidding further identification. A woman was killed when she was used as a shield by a male combatant, the Admiral said. Two droids were also reported missing.

“No Stormtroopers were seriously harmed,” Lord Vader said. “They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a firefight, I defeated my former master and took custody of his body.” Jedi tradition requires burial within 24 hours, but by doing it in deep space, Imperial authorities presumably were trying to avoid creating a shrine for his followers.

Lord Vader has denied requests to present photographs of the body, describing them as "too gruesome" for the general public.

2011-05-02T06:15:00.001-04:00

Usama Bin Laden Killed in Firefight With U.S. Special Ops Team in Pakistan

Published May 02, 2011 | FoxNews.com

Declaring “justice has been done,” President Obama announced late Sunday that Usama bin Laden was killed by U.S. forces in Pakistan, marking the end of the worldwide manhunt that began nearly a decade ago on Sept. 11, 2001.

The president made the stunning announcement within hours of informing congressional leaders. He said bin Laden was killed Sunday, the culmination of years of intelligence gathering. The news drew a large crowd to the front of the White House, as well as in Times Square, as people chanted “USA. USA.”

Obama, in his address to the nation shortly before midnight, thanked the Americans who have toiled in pursuit of bin Laden and applauded those who carried out the successful mission in Pakistan. Describing that mission only briefly, he said its result “is a testament to the greatness of our country.”

“For over two decades, bin Laden has been Al Qaeda’s leader and symbol,” Obama said. “The death of bin Laden marks the most significant achievement to date in our nation’s effort to defeat Al Qaeda.”

The president traced the death of bin Laden to a tip received last August. He said he was briefed at the time on the “possible lead,” and that after months of intelligence work it was determined bin Laden was hiding in a compound “deep” inside Pakistan. Obama said, after determining the intelligence was sound, he authorized the operation to bring him to justice last week.

He said a “small team” of Americans went after bin Laden in Abbottabad on Sunday. “After a firefight, they killed Usama bin Laden and took custody of his body,” the president said.

Senior administration officials, in a briefing with reporters, afterward said the administration had determined by February that they would pursue the compound "custom built to hide someone of significance" in Pakistan. This decision led to a series of national security meetings starting in March to develop a course of action. Obama gave the final order to pursue the operation on April 29, officials said.

The house was 100 yards from the gate of the Kakul Military Academy, an army run institution where top officers train. A Pakistan intelligence official said the property where bin Laden was staying was 3,000 square feet.

At 3:30 p.m. EST, a 40-man Navy Seals squadron raided a compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan, killing the Al Qaeda leader with a bullet to the head.

Four Chinook and Blackhawk helicopters dropped 24 men on the compound. One helicopter suffered a "hard landing" inside the compound after an experiencing a mechanical failure and had to be destroyed on the site, according to one defense official.

There was a large shootout. The residents at the compound resisted. The total raid took 40 minutes.

No Americans were killed in the mission Sunday. Officials said three adult men other than bin Laden were killed – one was believed to be bin Laden’s son, the others couriers. Two women were also injured, the officials said.

Abbottabad resident Mohammad Haroon Rasheed said the raid happened about 1:15 a.m. local time.

"I heard a thundering sound, followed by heavy firing. Then firing suddenly stopped. Then more thundering, then a big blast," he said. "In the morning when we went out to see what happened, some helicopter wreckage was lying in an open field."

"Intelligence analysts concluded that this compound was custom built to hide someone of significance," he said.

In the wake of bin Laden’s death, authorities around the world are being urged to take security precautions. One source said officials are concerned bin Laden’s death could incite violence or terrorist acts against U.S. personnel overseas.

The State Department issued a travel alert for U.S. citizens abroad overnight, citing “the enhanced potential for anti-American violence given recent counter-terrorism activity in Pakistan.”

Obama said Americans must continue to be “vigilant.” But he said the death of the architect of the deadliest terror attack on U.S. soil should be welcomed around the world.

“Bin Laden was not a Muslim leader. He was a mass murderer of Muslims,” Obama said. “So his demise should be welcomed by all who believe in peace and human dignity.”

Sources said the vice president informed congressional leaders late Sunday night that the world’s most wanted man had been killed.

Officials said bin Laden’s body, which was in U.S. custody, was given a sea burial.

The announcement comes nearly a decade after the 2001 terror attacks which triggered the Afghanistan war and started a tireless hunt for the terrorist mastermind and Al Qaeda leader.

In recent years, that hunt had increasingly led U.S. intelligence across the border and into Pakistan, where Al Qaeda is thought to be concentrated.

What global warming?

2011-01-10T17:14:00.002-05:00

We are currently in the middle of our second winter storm of the season. We endured 5 inches of snow the day after Christmas, and now we are in the middle of another 5 inches, plus freezing rain. As a matter of fact, we just endured the coldest December on record here in Eastern NC.

I enjoy winter more than summer, because our winters here are usually mild, and I prefer to be a little cold than to be hot, but I must say that I've about had it with this winter!

Now, if you will excuse me, I'm going outside to play in the snow with my son!

I'm jealous

2010-10-23T07:28:00.002-04:00

Two months ago, I got my first smartphone, a Motorola Droid. If you sit back and think for a minute, it is a marvel of modern technology. Here, inside a small glass, plastic, and metal case not even one inch thick, is a computer that has more computing power than the entire Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo space missions. It has more computing power than the start of the shuttle missions.

Inside this wondrous little brick is a processor that can run the computer and provide clear, vivid video on the full-color screen. It has a GPS system in it. It can connect to 3G or wireless Internet. It has a compass built in. You can download applications that pretty much provide unlimited uses for it. It has a camera that can take pictures every bit as good as a 35mm camera.

I think back to 22 years ago, when I graduated from high school. Cell phones were huge monstrosities. A home computer was a luxury, with a large computer tower and a monitor that provides the colors of black and green. VHS tapes were the way to go, and CD's had only been popular for a few years.

Then there was college. My roommate brought in an IBM computer with a whopping 32kb of memory, and we will dial into Prodigy at a speedy baud rate of something like 4k! My first personal computer was bought in 1999, and it had a 3.2gig hard drive, 32mb of RAM, and a 300khz processor, at a cost of over $700. I'm working on a cheap laptop right now, paid less than $400 for it, and it 100 times the memory and 50 times the storage space, along with a processor that leaves that original one in the dust.

My first cellular phone was obtained in 1997. It was literally the size of a brick, with an antenna that you had to pull out before use, and my contract gave me a huge!! huge!! sixty minutes of free airtime a month.

Around this time, the DVD began to surface. I purchased my first DVD player in 2000, and it was a huge machine with limited functions, and I can remember the huge jump in picture clarity and sound. I paid a sizeable chunk of change for it, too. Today, you can buy a DVD player only 1/8 the size of that first one, and pay a simple 20 to 30 bucks for it.

I remember Atari, the old 2600 that my parents got me in 1981. Games on it look so cheesy today! We had Pong before that!

In 1996, I bought a 32" stereo television, a huge monstrosity that basically takes two people to move. 12 years later, I bought my first LCD TV, and the differences are incredible.

I'm not at the forefront of getting all of the newest gadgets, but I can sit in my living room, typing on my wireless keyboard (as I am doing right now), surf the Internet or do research, print wirelessly to the printer on the other side of the house, while watching TV on my LCD TV that is receiving a signal froma satellite system. If I get up, I can connect to the world via my laptop computer, or my Dell pocket PC, or my Droid. I can go outside to work in the yard and can carry my entire music collection on my small Sansa music player. I can get in my car and explore the world without ever getting lost.

What am I getting at? I think back over the last thirty years of my life (I'm 40), and the technology - the things that are out there that have become such a regular part of life - have changed so much! My son turns 10 next week. What will technology be like thirty years from now when he is 40?

There are exciting times ahead for him, and I'm jealous over the stuff we know nothing about now, but will be a part of his life then.

Happy Birthday America!!!!!

2010-07-03T17:12:00.001-04:00

2010-06-27T18:09:00.003-04:00

It has been an absolutely hot spring. Wait, let me take that back. We didn't have a spring. It has just been hot. Period. Pretty much the entire month of June here in eastern North Carolina has been nothing but 90 degrees or more every day. To make things worse, we haven't been getting much rain, which isn't doing much for the garden, fruit trees, or grass.

Also, my electric bill is killing me.

2010-04-18T18:54:00.002-04:00

Wow, I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post. I guess I've become a Facebook junkie, and really haven't been much on keeping up with Blogger.

I've had a horrible couple of weeks at work. There has just been so much crap going on.

I need to start doing more posts. Maybe I'll get the motivation to do some this week...hopefully.

2010-03-06T14:39:00.001-05:00

27 years old: the Chinook from the Falklands STILL serving in Helmand

By Peter Almond
Last updated at 9:58 PM on 18th July 2009

It is an RAF legend - children scramble around a copy of it at the RAF Museum in Hendon, and Baroness Thatcher has been photographed with it.

But Bravo November, a remarkable Chinook helicopter which first saw service in the Falklands, is still going strong on the battlefields of Afghanistan.

The 18-year-old soldiers boarding it in Helmand know only from a small brass plaque inside that this helicopter is a nearly decade older than they are - and it's still not ready for retirement.

Valiant veterans: A Chinook drops off British troops in Afghanistan

Bravo November - named after BN, its original identification tail number - is probably the most remarkable RAF aircraft of the last 30 years.

It won its first Distinguished Flying Cross for pilot Squadron Leader Dick Langworthy in May 1982, when it was only two months out of its packing crate at RAF Odiham, Hampshire.

It won its second DFC for pilot Sqn Ldr Steve Carr on the opening night of the Iraq War in 2003, and its third for pilot Flight Lieutenant Craig Wilson in Afghanistan in 2006.

Now officially known as ZA718, Bravo November still holds a world record for carrying the largest number of troops in a single flight.

'Bravo November is a hugely significant aeroplane to the RAF,' said retired Air Chief Marshal Sir Richard Johns when he opened an exhibition honouring it at the RAF Museum on the 25th anniversary of the Falklands war.

'The RAF almost never singles out individual aircraft for tribute. But Bravo November is exceptional.'

But is its survival just down to luck? Certainly it seems to have been lucky in the Falklands.

It was away on a flight test when an Argentine Exocet missile sank its transport ship, the Atlantic Conveyor, along with all four of the other Chinooks on board.

Bravo November went almost immediately into action after the first British troops landed on the Falklands, initially carrying 105mm guns to support SAS troops on Mount Kent who were under fire from Argentine artillery.

On a later mission it ran into a snowstorm on its way back to San Carlos Water. The crew's night-vision goggles failed and the helicopter crashed into the sea at 100 knots. Water poured over its cockpit and the two engines started to 'flame out'.

Service record: Bravo November during the Falklands War

But luck was with pilot Dick Langworthy and his co-pilot Andy Lawless. Their controls had been set to climb, and with the twin rotors flailing, the helicopter leapt into the air like a cork from a bottle.

Slightly damaged, and without spare parts or adequate lubricants, Bravo November managed to hold together for another vital two weeks, delivering troops and supplies wherever they were needed.

At one point Bravo November rushed into battle with 81 troops jammed inside. It was twice the normal maximum load - a feat that to this day stands as a record for a troop-carrying helicopter anywhere in the world.

By the time the Argentines surrendered, Bravo November had flown for 109 hours and carried 1,500 troops, 95 casualties, 550 prisoners of war and 550 tons of cargo.

It also served in Northern Ireland, Lebanon, Germany and Kurdistan.

At the start of the first Gulf War in 2003, Bravo November took the first Royal Marines on to the Al-Faw peninsula to seize vital oil-pumping facilities. Any one of the five Chinooks on that first British attack could have led the way.

But either by luck, coincidence or the scheming of RAF engineers, the lead commander, Sqn Ldr Steve Carr, found himself flying Bravo November.

Three years later, on the night of June 11, 2006, Flt Lt Craig Wilson was captain of Bravo November in Helmand when he was ordered to recover a casualty at a landing site.

Even though he had done little night flying in the country, he flew at 150ft, made a precision landing and recovered the casualty.

A few hours later he was back on another evacuation mission, although this time he was forced to delay his landing while an Apache gunship suppressed enemy fire.

After this, despite having been on duty for 22 hours, Flt Lt Wilson volunteered to deliver reinforcements to threatened troops. He brought back two wounded soldiers, saving their lives. His actions earned him the DFC - Bravo November's third.

Curiously - or out of concern for ending Bravo November's 'luck' - no mention of this award was made at the Falklands 25th anniversary the next year.

And today, after many months of deep maintenance back in England, Bravo November is back in Afghanistan quietly doing its job - several times narrowly dodging Taliban bullets and rocket-propelled grenades.

'It just always seems to be there when you need it,' said Wing Commander Andy Naismith, former commanding officer of Bravo November's 18 Squadron. 'It never lets us down.'

Irony, I have found you.

2010-02-03T19:36:00.001-05:00

Man killed by dogs after saving them from death

By REUTERS

LJUBLJANA, Slovenia - A Slovenian who saved his three dogs from being put down for attacking humans was himself mauled to death by them, police said on Wednesday.

“Three dogs bit their 52-year-old owner to death in Ljubljana yesterday,” police spokeswoman Maja Adlesic said.

Four years ago, the three bullmastiffs attacked and seriously injured a passer-by outside their owner’s house. They spent years in custody pending legal hearings, but when one of them attacked a dog handler, authorities ordered them to be put down.

Their owner, a doctor, succeeded last June in his legal appeals to get the dogs back, sparking a national controversy. After his death, an opposition party said the agriculture minister should resign for failing to stop the dogs being released.

The dogs attacked the man in his garden on Tuesday, killing him before the police arrived. All three dogs were put down following the attack.

Stupid is therule of the day

2010-01-30T12:34:00.003-05:00

Written by Alex Teach
January 20, 2010 – 12:45 pm

Shortly after the close of World War II, the United States government began the practice of adding fluoride to public drinking water in an effort to reduce tooth decay, particularly in young children and the poor in general who experienced agony from such decay frequently and without the means of affording care for the relief of it. Cavities, it turns out, cost society more to treat than any other disease, and scientists globally regarded this practice as “a pretty good move”.

What they never counted on, however, was the adverse reaction fluoride has when put in contact with tinfoil.

Hats, specifically.

There have been conspiracies for as long as there have been stupid, insecure people on this planet (which scientists also concur has been “pretty much forever”), but this one is the Stupid Grandfather of the modern age. Fluoridation has been associated with pacifism, mind control, population control, the abandonment of civil liberties and as an imminent sign of total governmental control of the populace, in lieu of a Democratic “supermajority” in the Senate. (“The 2008 Elections” is a column for another day.)

2008. There are 5.8 million car crashes nationally. That is 5,800,000: A ridiculous number, particularly for those educated in the Hamilton County public school system. Of those, 1.6 million people were injured, and 34,017 were killed. As with the masses with rotted teeth wandering around holding their jaws and making a huge racket 62 years ago, the government again takes notice of this and decides a society cannot remain civilized with 34,017 dead folks scattered all about the place…so again, it acts.

The initial thought is to educate people with positively huge reflective signs directly on the roadsides dictating the recommended limit for speed (or “speed limit”), but for a large number (it took at least 2,900,000 people to hit the other 2,900,000), this proves ineffectual and other ideas are sought.

The second most popular idea is one occupied police car being assigned to each driver in order to monitor and regulate their speed, but this is deemed not just cost prohibitive, at $50,000 a pop with training, salary, and equipment, but with no small amount of irony it is also abandoned for fear of being misconstrued as an infringement of civil liberties.

A compromise was instituted in which one officer would regulate about 10,000 motorists on average, but the ratio of 1:10,000 people being regulated and ticketed was still leading to deaths in the tens of thousands. The government goes back to the drawing board, and this time, finds the answer in every bank, gas station, hotel, airport and cell phone in America: Cameras.

Americans go to hotels, gas stations, banks, airports, and many other places every hour of every day. They also complain to nine in ten officers pulling them over, “What about the real criminals out there? Don’t you have anything better to do?” Turns out, they do. So this marriage of ideas produces the Automated Ticketing System.
Fatalities in one section of Hixson Pike go from dozens to ZERO for more than two years now, addressing the scattered corpse issue directly.

People speeding in excess of 10 mph over the posted limits start receiving tickets by the bucket, with only one officer manning that ubiquitous White Van, and it doesn’t even add points to your driving record.

Costs of the cameras themselves are provided by the private sector, not taxpayers, and taxpayers don’t even have to cover the hideous costs of paying and training more police officers.

Then most unexpectedly (or was it?), the officers once assigned to sitting on the roadsides not catching “real criminals” are present in their communities, and a domino effect occurs in which response times to violent crimes goes down, and the number of property crimes begins falling in double digits in some areas.

Revenue generated from these tickets then goes towards once-abandoned driver-education programs (which, again, reduce crashes) and covers the cost of new police equipment for (you guessed it) further crime reduction actions.

The Government smiles. Then tilts its head in confusion.

The Stupid arrive with their nice teeth, and instead of joy at the wise use of tax dollars and reduction of dead folk, insurance rates, and crime in general…they complain. Automated ticket cameras from speed vans and red lights are associated with pacifism, mind control, population control, the abandonment of civil liberties and an imminent sign of total governmental control of the populace. (See why I told you that whole first story now? Clever, clever Officer Teach.)

Their right to privacy while driving on a public street is being infringed upon by a revenue generation system. (Think on this a second.)

I’m short on space, so I’ll just say this: There IS no privacy in the middle of a one- or six-lane roadway, Nimrod. It’s a ROADWAY. You can’t even drive a car without windows to hide yourself. You even have to have a picture of yourself on a card saying you’re allowed to drive there. Besides, if you said you did have an expectation of privacy in the middle of the street, besides being stupid, where is your moral outrage over the cameras you put yourself in front of in every aforementioned bank, gas station, hotel, and airport? It’s not there, because they are necessary and make sense. The difference is, you are upset on the roadways because you have been caught speeding by an unbiased scientific device.

As for revenue generation? Of course it is! So—what now, when a human catches you and you go to court, you shouldn’t be fined? All fines are wrong now? Or just the ones in which you have been caught? Again, where was the outrage before? Speeding and red light fines going to police equipment? “Duh!”

Your ever-present demands to see the radar gun and certification? They’re right there. The red light cameras? Video is now awaiting you in the courtroom, every time.
When an officer caught you, it was a “trap”. He lied about you running the sign or the light, and the judge took his word over yours. Now you’re on video…so it’s “unconstitutional”.

The Constitution doesn’t give you a right to speed, folks. It doesn’t even give you a reasonable expectation of privacy on the public roadways. I checked.

But, “Stupid” is the rule of the day, so you’ll probably win. We’ll take those officers back out of your neighborhoods, and go back on the side of the roadways. We’ll let the bodies pile up in the S-curves, and property crimes increase like your property taxes to hire more officers to address the rising crime again.

All those government-based shiny teeth, all those savings of money and lives, but no one smiles for the camera.

You win.

Right?

When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he is an occasional student at UTC, an up and coming carpenter, auto mechanic, prominent boating enthusiast, and spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center.

The difference between guts and balls

2010-01-27T20:24:00.000-05:00

Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say - "You're next fatty."

Las Vegas

2010-01-10T13:51:00.002-05:00

I just returned from a week long business trip to Las Vegas. I stayed in the Stratosphere Hotel, on the 18th floor. Right outside my window was the Stratosphere Tower, all 109 stories of it. It was really cool to go up in it to the top; even the tall Vegas buildings looked short when you get to the top. I played the slots, got up a hundred bucks, and then quit when I started losing my ass and broke even.

But...all things considered, this was a trip the I probably should not have taken.

Police Harassment

2009-12-14T21:08:00.002-05:00

Recently, the Chula Vista Police Department ran an e-mail forum (a question and answer exchange) with the topic being, "Community Policing."

One of the civilian email participants posed the following question, "I would like to know how it is possible for police officers to continually harass people and get away with it?"

From the "other side" (the law enforcement side) Sgt. Bennett, obviously a cop with a sense of humor replied:

"First of all, let me tell you this...it's not easy. In Chula Vista, we average one cop for every 600 people. Only about 60% of those cops are on general duty (or what you might refer to as "patrol") where we do most of our harassing.

The rest are in non-harassing departments that do not allow them contact with the day to day innocents. And at any given moment, only one-fifth of the 60% patrollers are on duty and available for harassing people while the rest are off duty. So roughly, one cop is responsible for harassing about 5,000 residents.

When you toss in the commercial business, and tourist locations that attract people from other areas, sometimes you have a situation where a single cop is responsible for harassing 10,000 or more people a day.

Now, your average ten-hour shift runs 36,000 seconds long. This gives a cop one second to harass a person, and then only three-fourths of a second to eat a donut AND then find a new person to harass. This is not an easy task. To be honest, most cops are not up to this challenge day in and day out. It is just too tiring. What we do is utilize some tools to help us narrow down those people which we can realistically harass.

The tools available to us are as follows:

PHONE: People will call us up and point out things that cause us to focus on a person for special harassment. "My neighbor is beating his wife" is a code phrase used often. This means we'll come out and give somebody some special harassment.

Another popular one is, "There's a guy breaking into a house." The harassment team is then put into action.

CARS: We have special cops assigned to harass people who drive. They like to harass the drivers of fast cars, cars with no insurance or no driver's licenses and the like.. It's lots of fun when you pick them out of traffic for nothing more obvious than running a red light. Sometimes you get to really heap the harassment on when you find they have drugs in the car, they are drunk, or have an outstanding warrant on file.

RUNNERS: Some people take off running just at the sight of a police officer. Nothing is quite as satisfying as running after them like a beagle on the scent of a bunny. When you catch them you can harass them for hours.

STATUTES: When we don't have PHONES or CARS and have nothing better to do, there are actually books that give us ideas for reasons to harass folks. They are called "Statutes"; Criminal Codes, Motor Vehicle Codes, etc... They all spell out all sorts of things for which you can really
mess with people.

After you read the statute, you can just drive around for awhile until you find someone violating one of these listed offenses and harass them. Just last week I saw a guy trying to steal a car. Well, there's this book we have that says that's not allowed. That meant I got permission to harass this guy. It is a really cool system that we have set up, and it works pretty well.

We seem to have a never-ending supply of folks to harass. And we get away with it. Why? Because for the good citizens who pay the tab, we try to keep the streets safe for them, and they pay us to "harass" some people.

Next time you are in my town, give me the old "single finger wave." That's another one of those codes. It means, "You can't harass me."

It's one of our favorites.

Wii Wheee

2009-12-05T17:23:00.003-05:00

On a whim, I decided to buy a Nintendo Wii, and all I have to say is that the technology involved is absolutely amazing. The motion sensors, detectors, ability to access the internet wirelessly...wow. Of course, the Wii has been out for three years, but it is just fascinating how it works.

2009-11-27T16:46:00.002-05:00

What's one of the best things about Thanksgiving? The cold turkey sandwiches the next day! I love a cold turkey sandwich.

The juicer...the juice man...the ayatollah juicerola...

2009-11-15T15:38:00.002-05:00

I was looking at my blog and noticed that I'd gotten away from doing posts about normal, everyday life. I had started this blog years ago with posts about goings-on in my everyday life, and it gradually shifted towards a soapbox or just a repeating of neat things I found on the Internet. So...I guess I'm going to try to do more personal posts, providing a nice mixture of things.

I recently purchased a nice juicer from Newegg. It was a refurbished unit, and the cost was 25 bucks with free shipping. I thought I'd give it a shot, and I must say that my first attempt was a pleasant surprise. I juiced some lemons for lemonade. The instructions say to not use the rind because of the potential of adding a bad flavor to the juice, but I found that the rind enhanced the flavor of the lemonade. I then juiced some apples, which tasted as good as any apple juice you can buy in a store. Ditto for the pear that I juiced. I then combined the apple and pear juice and enjoyed a refreshing cocktail. There is one major downside to juicing your own fruit juice: It is actually cheaper to just buy juice than to make your own (it took four apples and one pear to equal one glass of juice). I'm looking forward to trying to juice other stuff, including making my own vegetable juice.

John Allen Muhammad is dead

2009-11-10T21:35:00.001-05:00

Rot in hell, you Muslim douchebag. I hope you spend an eternity eating pork rinds and getting buttfucked by Mohammed.

Football Fail

2009-11-08T18:23:00.001-05:00

Damn, this is funny...

Our broken government

2009-11-03T17:59:00.002-05:00

To all 535 voting members of the Legislature, It is now official you are ALL corrupt morons:

• The U.S. Post Service was established in 1775. You have had 234 years to get it right and it is broke.
•
• Social Security was established in 1935. You have had 74 years to get it right and it is broke.
•
• Fannie Mae was established in 1938. You have had 71 years to get it right and it is broke.
•
• War on Poverty started in 1964. You have had 45 years to get it right; $1 trillion of our money is confiscated each year and transferred to "the poor" and they are still poor.
•
• Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965. You have had 44 years to get it right and they are broke.

• Freddie Mac was established in 1970. You have had 39 years to get it right and it is broke.

• The Department of Energy was created in 1977 to lessen our dependence on foreign oil. It has ballooned to 16,000 employees with a budget of $24 billion a year and we import more oil than ever before. You had 32 years to get it right and it is an abysmal failure.
•

You have FAILED in every "Government Service" you have shoved down our throats

while overspending our tax dollars:

AND YOU WANT AMERICANS TO BELIEVE YOU CAN BE TRUSTED
WITH A GOVERNMENT-RUN HEALTH CARE SYSTEM??

The husband store

2009-10-26T18:52:00.001-04:00

A store that sells husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow!' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous , Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are fucking impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

Lie Detector

2009-10-25T19:30:00.002-04:00

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks.

His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John..

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us
where you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John.. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

Click the link

2009-10-23T17:14:00.002-04:00

Click the above link:

And try to see if you can stare at it for more than 30 seconds without having a seizure or puking.

Your whole life is a test

2009-10-21T19:54:00.001-04:00

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me ... it was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to go over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to our family!!!"

And the moral of this story is :

Always keep your condoms in your car ...

Joining PETA

2009-10-18T18:28:00.001-04:00

I found this in a comments section of Fark.com that pretty much explains (to me) what kind of people join PETA.

There's basically four types of people who join PETA:

1. Washed up movies stars and musicians trying desperately to remain relevant (e.g. Pamela Anderson, the GoGo's, etc.)
2. Insecure, socially awkward girls trying desperately to become relevant
3. Overly-sensitive, insecure guys trying to get laid by the insecure, socially awkward girls
4. Otherwise decent, socially responsible people who respond to emotional manipulation with knee-jerk reactions without bothering to first check out the facts

Truth in prayer

2009-10-17T14:40:00.001-04:00

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers, which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, and good-bye Grandpa." Father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?". The little girl said "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day Grandpa died. Father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this; "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma." Next day the grandmother died. My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say "God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy." He practically went into shock. Couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch."

Conservative versus Liberal

2009-10-05T19:09:00.001-04:00

If a conservative doesn’t like guns, they don’t buy one. If a liberal doesn’t like guns, then no one should have one.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, they don’t eat meat. If a liberal is, they want to ban all meat products for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy. A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.

If a conservative is homosexual, they quietly enjoy their life. If a liberal is homosexual, they loudly demand legislated respect.

If a black man or Hispanic is conservative, they see themselves as independently successful. Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels. Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church. A liberal wants any mention of God or religion silenced.

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. A liberal demands that his neighbors pay for his.

Wouldn't you like to umm...hmmm.....

2009-10-02T19:43:00.000-04:00

Guys, admit it. You are most definitely curious.

2009-09-30T19:48:00.001-04:00

Joke

Son (S) : Why is making love so enjoyable.
Father (F) : It is just like the sensation when you are digging your nose with your finger !!

S : Why do women enjoy sex more than man
F : It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more comfort than your finger.

S: Why do women hate it when they get raped .
F: It is like when you are walking on the street,someone else come over and dig your nose, do you like it ??

S: Why woman cannot have sex when they are having menstruation?
F: If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it ??

S: Why man do not like to wear condoms when they are making love.
F: Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger.

S: Why are making love carried out in private?
F: Will you dig you nose in front of your class? Stupid!

S: What is an orgasm ?
F:The same as sneezing. but the the other way round

S: Is it true that women love big dicks ?
F: Ever tried picking your nose with your thumb ?

S: What's anal sex?
F: Picking your mouth

Stupid bitch, part II

2009-09-29T18:16:00.001-04:00

Her last statement is proof that she is a dumb, ignorant, clueless bitch.

Officer.com News

The Mayor of Wellford, S.C. has agreed to reverse her recent, controversial policy banning police from chasing suspects, according to WTKR-TV3.

Mayor Sallie Peake instituted the policy earlier this month on the grounds that several officers have been injured during chases, driving up insurance costs for the town.

The reversal was made in response to a letter from the town solicitor stating that the policy conflicted with officers' sworn duty to uphold the law by preventing them from pursuing fleeing felons.

Peake told the news station that she is not happy about resuming chases, but now, "Officers can do whatever they want."

Rendezvous

2009-09-29T18:03:00.004-04:00

This is worth watching just to hear the engine! The story is that this guy did this one morning in Paris without any permits or blocked roadways.

"The film was done without tricks or speeding-up." On an August morning in 1978, French filmmaker Claude Lelouch ("A Man and a Woman") mounted a gyro-stabilized camera to the bumper of a Mercedes and drove at breakneck speed through the heart of Paris. The film was limited for technical reasons to 10 minutes; the course was from Porte Dauphine, through the Louvre, to the Basilica of Sacre Coeur. No streets were closed, for Lelouch was unable to obtain a permit. The driver completed the course in about 9 minutes, reaching nearly 140 MPH in some stretches. The footage reveals him running real red lights, nearly hitting real pedestrians, and driving the wrong way up real one-way streets. Upon showing the film in public for the first time, Lelouch was arrested. He has never revealed the identity of the driver, and the film went underground until it was released a few years ago. Lelouch explained that he used a Mercedes-Benz 450SEL 6.9 to have enough stability while filming, but used the sound of a Ferrari 275 GTB for the soundtrack.

Ummm...What?!?

2009-09-24T18:39:00.000-04:00

Animal-cruelty charges dropped against Burlington County cop

By JASON NARK
Philadelphia Daily News

narkj@phillynews.com 856-779-3231

If animals could talk, a few cows in Burlington County might ask state legislators to hurry up and outlaw bestiality.

During a bizarre hearing there yesterday, a Superior Court judge dismissed animal-cruelty charges against a Moorestown police officer accused of sticking his penis into the mouths of five calves in rural Southampton in 2006, claiming a grand jury couldn't infer whether the cows had been "tormented" or "puzzled" by the situation or even irritated that they'd been duped out of a meal.

"If the cow had the cognitive ability to form thought and speak, would it say, 'Where's the milk? I'm not getting any milk,' " Judge James J. Morley asked.

Children, Morley said, seemed "comforted" when given pacifiers, but there's no way to know what bovine minds thought of Robert Melia Jr. substituting his member for a cow's teat.

"They [children] enjoy the act of suckling," the judge said. "Cows may be of a different disposition."

Burlington County Assistant County Prosecutor Kevin Morgan was certainly irritated by the ruling, claiming the grand jury didn't see the videos of the alleged incident, including one in which one hungry calf allegedly head-butts Melia in the stomach.

"I think any reasonable juror could infer that a man's penis in the mouth of a calf is torment," Morgan argued. "It's a crime against nature."

Although a bill was introduced in 2005 to ban bestiality, New Jersey still has no explicit ban on the sexual penetration of animals, which is why the Burlington County Prosecutor's Office charged Melia with animal cruelty.

Morley said it was questionable whether Melia's alleged crimes against cows, although "disgusting," fit the definitions in the animal-cruelty statute.

"I'm not saying it's OK," Morley said. "This is a legal question for me. It's not a questions of morals. It's not a question of hygiene. It's not a question of how people should conduct themselves."

Sex with cows is the least of Melia's problems, though.

He and former girlfriend, Heather Lewis, of Pemberton Township, are also accused of sexually assaulting three young girls over a five-year period, sometimes in Melia's Cottage Avenue home in Moorestown, where he was a patrolman, authorities said.

Melia has been suspended from the force, said a spokesman with the Prosecutor's Office.

Melia and Lewis were both arrested in April 2008, shortly after one of the girls told her stepfather of the alleged abuse.

During the course of the investigation, authorities also discovered child pornography on Melia's home computer as well as videos of him with the cows.

Morley also ruled yesterday that the prosecution must turn over copies of images and videos from the computer to the defense, including one video that allegedly shows one of the girls being "subjected to sexual activity."

Lewis, who also appeared in court yesterday, is also accused of sexually assaulting a juvenile male. Morley denied a defense motion to have Lewis's individual sexual assaults separated from Melia's case.

Melia, Lewis and their attorneys declined to comment after the hearing.

Morgan, the prosecutor, said in court that the owner of the cows was "very upset" by the incident.

2009-09-24T18:30:00.001-04:00

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

Downfall of Grammar

2009-09-19T15:20:00.002-04:00

All of these scenes from the movie Downfall are a hoot. Here is another good one:

Mayor Sally Peake: What a Stupid Bitch.

2009-09-19T15:04:00.000-04:00

Chris Cato
Published: September 18, 2009

Updated September 18, 2009

(Wellford, SC)—The Mayor of Wellford is defending her policy which bans police officers in that city from chasing suspects. Sallie Peake says the policy also includes vehicle chases along with pursuits on foot.

A memo issued on September 2nd from Peake to all Wellford officers reads:

“As of this date, there are to be no more foot chases when a suspect runs. I do not want anyone chasing after any suspects whatsoever.“

WSPA first reported the mandate on Wednesday after an anonymous citizen faxed a copy of the memo to our newsroom. Peake was out of town and unavailable for comment. On Friday, reporter Chris Cato caught up with her in her office and questioned her about the origin of the policy. Peake says she issued the mandate because several officers have been injured during chases, driving up insurance costs for the town.

“The officers are costing us more money on insurance than most citizens here in the city of Wellford are even earning,“ says Peake.

She says the city is paying out $20,000 annually in workers’ compensation claims, much of it due to the police force. In July, two officers wrecked their cruisers while chasing suspects and had to go to the hospital for minor treatment. The police chief says three officers have been injured during foot chases in the last two years.

Spartanburg County Sheriff Chuck Wright says the policy prevents police from upholding the law—a direct violation of their constitutional oath.

“If a bank robber or a drunk driver or a shoplifter or somebody with a warrant runs on foot, it’s our obligation to do what we can do to bring them to justice,“ says Wright.

But when we asked Peake about her order impeding an officer from stopping a crime in progress, she became defensive and irate. The conversation went as follows:

Reporter: “Are you telling your officers if they witness a crime - they witness someone commit a crime on someone else and they’re ten yards away - they can’t go stop that person?“
Peake: “Is that in there?“ (referring to policy)
Reporter: “It says no chases whatsoever.“
Peake: “Well, that’s what I said, no chases, didn’t I? I didn’t say nothing about a crime. If you see a crime, this that and the other -“
Reporter: “Well, that’s what a chase is - “
Peake: “Well, I told them no chase on foot, and (the police chief) know exactly what I mean, so you’re trying to twist what I -“
Reporter: “No, I’m not. You said no chases. No chases means no chases.“
Peake: (claps hands) “You got you a story, thank God! You are so sweet! You got you a story on a woman in Wellford! Hallelujah! I’m so proud of you, Mr. Cato!“

Click here to see the entire interview.

Wellford Police Chief Chris Guy has told his officers to abide by the policy. He says they can still protect the public.

“Just because a suspect may run does not mean we can’t identify them, sign warrants, and catch them later,“ says Guy.

But Sheriff Wright says when a suspect gets away, there is always the chance he could hurt someone before officers catch up with him.

Peake says that won’t happen in Wellford.

Here’s hoping the arm of the law really is long.

Posted September 9, 2009

The mayor of an Upstate city has issued an order that may handcuff her police officers and put citizens at risk, according to some.

News Channel 7 received a fax from an anonymous person identifying themself as “a concerned Wellford citizen”. Included was a memo written by Wellford Mayor Sallie Peake, addressed to all city police officers. Dated September 2, 2009, it reads:

“As of this date, there are to be no more foot chases when a suspect runs. I do not want anyone chasing after any suspects whatsoever.“

We have not been able to reach Peake for comment. The city clerk tells us the Mayor is out of town on vacation and is unreachable.

Wellford Police Chief Chris Guy confirmed the memo was legitimate. He says he has told his officers to abide by the order until he can sit down with Peake and talk about it.

“This came about because an officer twisted his ankle while chasing a suspect a couple of weeks ago,“ said Chief Guy.

He said he could not comment further until he has talked with Peake about how the policy will affect his officers’ abilities to perform their duties.

For an outside opinion, we went to Spartanburg County Sheriff Chuck Wright.

“I’ve never seen a memo like that before, telling your police officers not to do their job,“ said Wright. “That’s strange.“

Wright says Peake has essentiall handcuffed her officers.

“If a bank robber or a drunk driver or a shoplifter or somebody with a warrant runs on foot, it’s our obligation to do what we can do to bring them to justice,“ says Wright.

He says the memo may actually be illegal because it directly conflicts with a police officer’s constitutional oath to uphold the law. And he says while it may protect officers from injury, it may also put citizens at risk.

“If you’ve got somebody that’s running from the police, whose to say they won’t break into your home to get away from law enforcement?“ said Wright.

He said he is going to ask State Law Enforcement Division if the memo is legal. In the meantime, he says he will add patrols to the Wellford area in case officers need help catching suspects who decide to run.

We will continue following this story and get answers from Mayor Sallie Peake.

She's a MILF, but WTF???

2009-09-10T19:49:00.000-04:00

WATERFORD TWP., Mich. (WXYZ) - A woman who gave her son up for adoption 10 years ago is now accused of having sex with the teen after finding him on the internet.

Aimee Louise Sword, 35 of Waterford Township, has been charged with third-degree criminal sexual conduct in the case.

Investigators say she used the internet to find her biological son.

Sword was arrested after Child Protective Services informed police of the sex accusations.

The woman's lawyer says she maintains her innocence. She is currently free on bond.

2009-09-09T17:20:00.005-04:00

There are only eleven times in history where the "F" word has been
considered acceptable for use, as follows:

11. "What the @#$% do you mean we're sinking?"

-- Capt. E.J. Smith of the RMS Titanic, 1912

10. "What the @#$% was that?" -- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945

9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
-- George Armstrong Custer, 1877

8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." -- Einstein, 1938

7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" -- Picasso, 1926

6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?" -- Pythagoras, 126 BC

5. "You want WHAT on that @#$%ing ceiling?" -- Michelangelo, 1566

4. "Where the @#$% are we?" -- Amelia Earhart, 1937

3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers....my ass!" -- Noah, 6314 BC

2. "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
-- Bill Clinton, 1999

1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @%#*^ing mad!"
-- Saddam Hussein, 2003

Ted Kennedy is dead...

2009-08-26T16:26:00.002-04:00

...it's about time! I couldn't wait for this dickhead to die. Hopefully, he'll spend eternity sitting in a car under water. Speaking of which, I love this picture.

Deal with road rage

2009-08-23T12:58:00.000-04:00

I love a smart ass, or "Operation Soccer Mom"

2009-08-21T18:58:00.001-04:00

Original ad:
I am in need of a reliable and SAFE driver to take my 10-year-old daughter home from after-school soccer practice starting in September and ending in late November. She needs to be taken from school in Exton to home in Bryn Mawr. It should take about an hour each day. You will be needed Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Fri. Looking for a safe driver with a clean driving record. E-mail at ***********@comcast.net with references. We can discuss compensation. Thanks!
From Me to ************@comcast.net

Good afternoon.

My name is Mike Partlow and I am very interested in this job. I have a lot of experience driving under dangerous conditions and guarantee your daughter will arrive safely at home every day.

If you are still looking for a dependable driver, please write back.

Sincerely,

Mike Partlow

From Kate ******** to Me

Mr. Partlow (can I call you Mike?),

I still am looking for a driver. Good to know you can handle dangerous conditions...but there probably will not be any dangerous conditions; you are just taking my daughter down Rt 3.

Tell me about yourself - are you a professional driver? Do you have any references from past jobs? What kind of car do you own? Is it reliable?

- Kate

From Me to Kate ********

Kate,

You can call me Mike. I was never one for formalities.

A little about myself, I am 37 years old, and worked as a mercenary driver in the Middle East. I have escorted important clients through high-risk areas in Iraq and Afghanistan for five years. I have seen a lot of action, and have ensured the safety of my clients. Out of all the jobs I have done, 90% of my clients arrived at their destination unharmed.

I have several references. I'll have one of them e-mail you.

My car is very safe and reliable - perfect for your daughter. It is an armored 2007 Chevy Suburban. All glass has been replaced with multi-layered ballistic glass capable of stopping a 7.62 x 39 bullet dead in its tracks. The doors, roof, and floor have been reinforced with ballistic steel/composite that can withstand IED blasts and stop grenade fragmentation. This car has been put to the test and will always deliver.

Safety and protection is my #1 priority. The car is fully loaded with an HK416 assault rifle that fire under the toughest conditions. The roof has a 40mm MK-19 automatic grenade launcher turret installed. Hopefully we won't have to use it, but it is good to have. I can't tell you how many times I've had to return fire against an enemy APC. I assure you that nobody will mess with your daughter as I escort her home from soccer practice.

Now lets discuss pay. I have various security packages I offer, and for your daughter I recommend my medium package which will run you $200 an hour. I also have a minimal package which is only $125 an hour. It is entirely up to you.

Let me know,

Mike Partlow

From Kate ******** to Me

This has to be a joke. This isnt Bagdad, it's suburban PA...

Are you just being sarcastic? What do you really drive? I want to pay 30 bucks a day, tops.

From Me to Kate ********

Kate,

Safety/protection is no joke. For $30, you are likely to get some 17-year-old kid who just got his license and will drive your daughter in his unarmored Ford Focus. I've seen an IED blow a Ford Focus into thousands of pieces, none larger than a golf ball.

My security package is well worth the $200 per trip. We will pick your daughter up in a random Suburban. Four trucks will pull up, and she will get into a random one every day. This is so the enemy does not know which one to attack. The Suburban she is in will have an armed security detail of men I have worked with in Iraq. We know what we are doing. She will be escorted in our convoy down the highway at a high rate of speed to avoid stopping in "kill zones." All vehicles are equipped with an MIRT which is used to change the traffic lights to green so we will not have to slow down. Your daughter will arrive safely in your arms no later than 20 minutes from when she is extracted from the soccer field.

Please reconsider my offer. You can't put a price on your daughter's safety.

From Kate ******** to Me

Stop wasting my time. Don't e-mail me again.

(later, from another e-mail account)

From Nick Walken to Kate **********

Dear Kate,

I am an old client of Mike Partlow. He told me that you wanted a reference for a job you are considering him for. Let me start off by saying, you could not have made a finer choice. Mike is the best there is. He literally saved my life countless times in Iraq. Whatever you are using him for, you have made the right choice. You will be 100% safe.

When I think about my experience Mike, one time stands above the rest. Back in 2005, I was a contractor in Iraq and had hired Mike's security detail to escort me through Fallujah. Everything was going fine until our convoy was hit by an IED. I don't remember much, but next thing you know, I woke up in a Republican Guard prisoner camp with Mike. I thought we were goners. They took me and Mike into a hut, where there were at least eight armed soldiers placing bets. They were going to make Mike and I play Russian Roulette. Mike convinced a soldier to let him play with three bullets, instead of one, which I thought was crazy. Mike even put the gun to his head once and pulled the trigger. He started laughing, and the soldiers started laughing too. When they let their guard down, he immediately shot three of them in the head, grabbed one of their AKs, and gunned down the other five soldiers. I didn't think we would make it out of that one alive, but thanks to Mike's heroic actions, I am here today.

You cannot go wrong with Mike Partlow. He is the best of the best. One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad. He makes do with what he has and will survive the worst of situations.

If you have any more questions about Mike, please don't hesitate to contact me. I owe the man my life.

Nick

From Kate ******** to Me

what in the hell...

2009-08-12T21:18:00.001-04:00

I'm not into the heavy, hard metal rock, but for some reason I like this song...and how it is being played.

sales

2009-08-12T14:45:00.001-04:00

A young guy from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Omaha."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow." I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today? The kid says, "One".

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says, "$101,237.65 ".

The boss says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"

The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'"

2009-08-09T13:23:00.004-04:00

2009-07-22T09:27:00.000-04:00

Theft ends in torn genitals

NEWS.com.au

July 22, 2009 02:08pm

THE attempted armed robbery of a Russian hairdresser became a three-day sex ordeal for the would-be thief.

The robber was left with torn genitals and a Viagra hangover.

IT website The Register reports the man, known as Viktor, tried to rob the hairdresser in the town of Meshchovsk.

The owner, 28-year-old Olga, agreed to hand over the takings but as she was giving him the money, used her karate skills to knock him to the ground and tie him up with a hairdryer cord.

She then locked him in the storeroom and told colleagues she'd call the police.

However, she instead stripped him and cuffed him to a heater with a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs.

She then fed him Viagra and raped him several times over the next four days.

When finally released, Viktor went first to hospital for treatment for his torn frenulum, and then reported Olga to the police. When she was arrested, Olga reported him for robbery.

"What a b......," she complained.

"Yes, we had sex a couple of times. But I've bought him new jeans, gave him food and even gave him 1000 roubles when he left."

Viktor admitted she had fed him well.

How do you define courage?

2009-07-21T20:01:00.002-04:00

How do you define courage? How do you capture the spirit of the American Fighting Man? Photographer David Guttenfelder did just that when he caught a scene with Specialist Zachary Boyd, who had been asleep, manning a fighting position in pink "I Love NY" boxers and flip flops after Taliban shitheads made a surprise attack on their encampment.

2009-07-21T19:37:00.002-04:00

Does this make sense to you? It makes sense to Christians!- ExChristian.Net - Articles

2009-07-17T15:04:00.001-04:00

Does this make sense to you? It makes sense to Christians!- ExChristian.Net - Articles

Shared via AddThis

Where are American values for an American hero?

2009-07-15T13:00:00.002-04:00

Where are American values for an American hero?

I am absolutely frustrated and heartbroken over how our society has such misguided energy, such misguided beliefs on what is a hero. In all of this hype over Michael Jackson this and Michael Jackson that, even I was not aware that Darrell "Shifty" Powers had passed away. Are you serious!! Where was the media coverage on this? We lost a true American hero in June, and yet we heard no dialogue, read no editorial. I am ashamed at myself that I was not aware that Shifty had passed away until I had received the email mentioned in the above link.

Shifty, here's to you: Thank you for what you did, for being part of the Greatest Generation, and for being a hero to me.

2009-07-15T08:05:00.001-04:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

2009-07-07T16:06:00.001-04:00

Hitler finds out Michael Jackson died

2009-07-06T11:34:00.002-04:00

The best headline ever...

2009-07-06T06:48:00.000-04:00

Two Mexican Midget Wrestlers Killed by Fake Prostitutes

Friday, July 03, 2009

MEXICO CITY — Mexican authorities say two professional wrestlers found dead in a low-rent hotel in the capital may have been drugged to death by female robbers.

Autopsies are being performed on the two midget wrestlers, one of whom went by the name "La Parkita" — or "Little Death" — and wore a skeleton costume in the ring. The other was known as "Espectrito Jr."

Authorities say two women were seen leaving the men's hotel room before the bodies were discovered.

Prosecutor Miguel Angel Mancera said Wednesday that gangs of female robbers are experienced at using drugs to knock men out and rob them, but they may have used too strong a dose.

That may have been because of the wrestlers' small stature, although larger men have also died in similar crimes.

2009-06-26T17:59:00.001-04:00

Michael Jackson: Attention whore

2009-06-26T12:28:00.002-04:00

MIchael Jackson is such an attention whore. He couldn't even let Farrah Fawcett enjoy the limelight of her own death.

I turned on the noon local news today, and the first ten minutes was all Michael Jackson. I'm a little miffed over that. Somewhere in America, a police officer was injured or killed serving his community, and somewhere in the world, an American soldier was most likely injured or killed serving his country. THAT, is more important to me than Michael Jackson.

2009-06-23T19:26:00.001-04:00

Check out more pix at uberpix.net!

Illegal immigrants (or illegal aliens)

2009-06-13T13:36:00.002-04:00

I have found the perfect analogy that reflects how I feel about Mexicans coming into the United States illegally:

Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders, might make it harder
to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely.

Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests...

Let's say I break into your house.
Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave.

But I say, "No! I like it here. It's better than my house. I've made all the beds and washed the
dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors. I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your house).

According to the protesters:
You are Required to let me stay in your house
You are Required to feed me
You are Required to add me to your family's insurance plan
You are Required to educate my kids
You are Required to provide other benefits to me & to my family
(my husband will do all of your yard work because
he is also hard-working and honest, except for that
breaking in part).

If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my RIGHT to be there.

It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm a hard-working and honest, person, except for well, you know, I did break into your house.

And what a deal it is for me!!!
I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of cold,
uncaring, selfish, prejudiced, and bigoted behavior.

Oh yeah, I DEMAND that you learn MY LANGUAGE!!! so you can communicate with me.

I wish I knew who the author was.

Star Trek reimagined...

2009-06-08T16:59:00.002-04:00

I'm a little late with posting any kind of critique of the new Star Trek movie, since I just saw it today. All I have to say is...IT WAS FREAKIN' AWESOME!!!! I love the whole reimagined Star Trek thing. I'm hoping they go with this story line, which appears to be grittier, and militaristic. Yes, that goes contrary to Gene Roddenberry's vision, but one must face the truth that ole Gene was a socialist/communist with his idea of the future.

I voted Democrat

2009-06-02T21:17:00.001-04:00

I'm not the author of this, but it is a great read! Sometimes the truth hurts!!!

I voted Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. And...I've decided to marry my cat.

I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

I voted Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

I voted Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq, I trust that the bad guys will stop what they're doing, because they now think we're good people.

I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as THEY see fit.

I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite The Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my ass that it is unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.

"A Liberal is a person who will give away everything they don't own.

John and Kate Plus 8

2009-05-26T17:26:00.002-04:00

Apparently, the news gossipers are all talking about John and Kate from the show John and Kate Plus 8. I've only watched two episodes of this boring show, and I quickly established one thought: If my wife talked to me like a harsh cunt bitch that Kate appears to be, I would dump her ass in a heartbeat! Kate, there's a reason why John was out looking to fuck around on you.

Star Trek redux...

2009-05-20T19:45:00.002-04:00

With the recent release of the new Star Trek movie, I dug out my old collection of Trek DVD's and watched Wrath of Khan again. My little one saw it, and now he is viewing a steady of of Wrath of Khan, Yesterday's Enterprise (from The Next Generation), and Star Trek: Nemesis. While watching them, some questions came up about the designs of the Federation starships and tactics used.

Basically, the first question I have is why is the bridge usually placed in what is probably the most vulnerable spot on the ship; namely, the top center of the saucer section.

Question 2: Why is there just one big viewscreen on the bridge? What happens if the fuse blows? You would think that the bridge would either have a) viewscreens all the way around the bridge, and/or 2) actual windows so that you can just look outside. Furthermore, in the Next Generation timeframe, why not design the bridge to be one big holodeck? By being able to instantly look around in any direction from the center of a sphere would strike me as allowing the ultimate in situational awareness.

Question 3: Why are the away teams always composed of the senior staff?

Question 4: If photon torpedoes are so awesome, why do most of the starships just have a couple of launch tubes? You would think they would have multiple torpedo banks to fire full broadsides.

Question 5: Since the warp cores generate power to run the shields, why don't the starships have a power source dedicated to nothing but powering the shields and phasers.

Question 6: Is it really realistic that the Federation would not develop cloaking technology?

Question 7: Would it really be that difficult to design a whole series of vessels that could fire weapons while cloaked?

Question 8: How come handheld phasers don't have sights? I don't think people in the future would be any more adept at natural aiming than we are.

The new Wolverine movie in 30 seconds

2009-05-07T19:21:00.000-04:00

Mia Farrow Hunger Strike

2009-04-28T08:06:00.001-04:00

Who really gives a shit?!?!?! I read all about Darfur and couldn't care less about them...

Imagine if 'President McCain' Joked About the Special Olympics

2009-04-16T11:36:00.001-04:00

The following is an interesting perspective of what the media would have done if the election had gone differently. Not sure about the whole copyright thingee, so author and such are listed, and the original link is included above:

Larry Elder Larry Elder – Thu Mar 26, 3:00 am ET

Creators Syndicate – President Barack Obama, in an appearance on "The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno, made a self-deprecating but ill-advised joke, in which he referred to the Special Olympics. He quickly apologized. Crisis averted.

Fair enough.

But the real story is the media double standard: Imagine the uproar if a President John McCain made the Special Olympics comment.

For that matter, imagine if a President McCain mistook a White House window for a door; his secretary of Treasury had not paid taxes; he granted two dozen waivers to his no-lobbyists-in-government rule; and he had promised bipartisanship but got only three across-the-aisle votes for his "stimulus" package.

Imagine if President McCain, after promising a "clean break" from his predecessor, retained "extraordinary rendition," the FISA program, the option of wiretapping without warrants, and the option of using "enhanced interrogation techniques"; he promised to close Gitmo, then said it would take as long as a year, but then our European allies refused to take in "detainees" from their own countries; he reneged on/fudged his promise to have all combat troops out of Iraq within "16 months of his presidency"; he adopted for Afghanistan the same counterinsurgency strategy used in Iraq, which, as a candidate, he'd criticized for not "achieving its objectives"; and he used the same "state secrets" argument as did the Bush administration in the same court case, to avoid turning over certain national security documents in an ACLU-brought case on behalf of an alleged torture victim/detainee.

Imagine if — on the campaign trail — a future President McCain had declared a nuclear-armed Iran "unacceptable" but agreed to engage in negotiations without preconditions; Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad told the new President he must apologize for 60 years of anti-Iranian activity; President McCain then reached out to the Iranians in a televised address; and in response, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei — who holds ultimate authority in Iran — told him to a) drop animosity and criticism, b) end sanctions, c) unfreeze assets, and d) end "unconditional support" for Israel.

Imagine if President McCain acted "outraged" — as though he, his secretary of Treasury, and a party leader (Sen. Christopher Dodd, D-Conn.) had not previously known about and approved the controversial AIG bonuses; executives at Freddie and Fannie, failed institutions now taken over by government, were getting bonuses, too; and during this recession, after criticizing taxpayer-funded corporate retreats, President McCain and First Lady Cindy McCain threw taxpayer-funded White House parties nearly every night, hiring entertainers such as Stevie Wonder and the Jonas Brothers.

Imagine if, as sitting president, McCain appeared on "The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno and cracked jokes, while — as the media would have written — "millions of Americans have lost their homes and their jobs with millions afraid they're next, yada, blah, etc."; he tripled the projected annual deficit and intended, within a short period, to double the national debt; and he promised to "create or save" an ever-changing number of jobs — never offering a yardstick to define a "saved job."

Imagine that McCain's vice president made a number of gaffes, including not knowing the "recovery" Web site despite going on national television to promote it and revealing on television — through his wife — that he'd had the option of a job as secretary of State or VP — thus showing the administration's extreme disrespect toward the current secretary of State.

Imagine if, of the 18 important sub-Cabinet positions in the Treasury Department, none were filled; after promising "transparency," McCain wouldn't say where the TARP money had gone and who had gotten it; after receiving bailout money, the largest 20 financial institution recipients actually reduced lending — the opposite intent of the program; saying that he wasn't a "socialist," McCain defended himself by asserting that "it wasn't on my watch" that we'd bought shares of banks — but omitted that, as senator, he'd supported and voted for it; and he constantly said he'd "inherited" the deficit despite — as a senator — voting for TARP and other programs that had wildly increased it.

Imagine if President McCain ungraciously treated Prime Minister Gordon Brown from the U.K. — our closest and oldest ally — and gave him cheap, tacky gifts apparently picked up from the White House gift shop and someplace like Wal-Mart.

Imagine if, despite a reputation for "eloquence," President McCain relied on teleprompters for even the most minor of statements, verbally stumbling and flailing when the teleprompters malfunctioned; he broke protocol and tradition by pre-picking and giving notice to the reporters to be called on in press conferences; and he admonished the out-of-power party by denouncing a popular talk show host and imploring the opposite party to refuse to listen to him.

Imagine if the media kept referring to him as "popular" when his poll numbers were virtually identical to those of George W. Bush at the 50-day mark in their respective presidencies; and his chief of staff, in a newspaper article about his achievements as a House member, said in front of a reporter that the opposition party could "go f—- themselves."

On the other hand, Cleveland State beat Wake Forest.

Larry Elder is a syndicated radio talk show host and best-selling author. His latest book, "Stupid Black Men: How to Play the Race Card — and Lose," is available now. To find out more about Larry Elder, visit his Web page at www.LarryElder.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

Sucks to be Somali...

2009-04-13T18:47:00.002-04:00

Just so we all understand the timeline:

1. Pussy-ass Somalis (most likely Muslim, what?) terrorize shipping lanes by using guns and RPG's to commit acts of piracy.
2. Pussy-ass Somalis target an American-flagged cargo ship and take it over.
3. Pussy-ass Somalis get overthrown by the American crew but escape with the ship's captain.
4. The USS Bainbridge chases down the escape craft.
5. Pussy-ass Somalis talk shit and try to negotiate for the release of the captain.
6. Navy SEALS parachute - that's right! They fuckin' parachute! - into the water next to the USS Bainbridge with their equipment and are taken aboard.
7. SEAL snipers take up a position on the fantail of the USS Bainbridge and wait for the right moment.
8. As negotiations continue, a Pussy-ass Somali fires a round at the USS Bainbridge.
9. The skipper of the USS Bainbridge says "I've had enough of this shit," and gives the order to whack those Pussy-ass Somalis.
10. Three Pussy-ass Somalis expose their noggins...
11. From the fantail of a warship going up and down in the ocean, three hardcore motherfuckin' SEAL snipers target three moving heads going up and down on another boat...
12. The three brass-balled snipers fire simultaneously...
13. ...and three Pussy-ass Somali heads explode into red mist.
14. The fourth Pussy-ass Somali dickhead gives up, proving that a Somali thug is just a cowardly pussy when the shit hits the fan.
15. Captain of the cargo ship is rescued.

Got it!
Now, let the body count build. Let's kill us some more Pussy-ass Somali pirates. They are threatening to kill some hostages. I say that we obliterate one Somali village for every hostage killed. Fuck Somalia.

Reasons for gun control...Not!

2009-04-08T23:25:00.002-04:00

Heck, since I started talking about gun control in the previous post, I figured I'd post some posters:

Gun control

2009-04-08T23:15:00.001-04:00

Time to rehash a previous post:

Banning guns works, which is why New York, DC, and Chicago cops need guns.
Washington DC's low murder rate of 80.6 per 100,000 is due to strict gun control, and Arlington, VA's high murder rate of 1.6 per 100,000 is due to the lack of gun control.
Statistics showing high murder rates justify gun control but statistics showing increasing murder rates after gun control are "just statistics."
The Brady Bill and the Assault Weapons Ban, both of which went into effect in 1994, are responsible for the decrease in violent crime rates, which have been declining since 1991.
We must get rid of guns because a deranged lunatic may go on a shooting spree at any time and anyone who would own a gun out of fear of such a lunatic is paranoid.
The more helpless you are the safer you are from criminals.
An intruder will be incapacitated by tear gas or oven spray, but if shot with a .357 Magnum will get angry and kill you.
A woman raped and strangled is morally superior to a woman with a smoking gun and a dead rapist at her feet.
When confronted by violent criminals, you should "put up no defense — give them what they want, or run" (Handgun Control Inc. Chairman Pete Shields, Guns Don't Die - People Do, 1981, p. 125).
The New England Journal of Medicine is filled with expert advice about guns; just like Guns and Ammo has some excellent treatises on heart surgery.
One should consult an automotive engineer for safer seatbelts, a civil engineer for a better bridge, a surgeon for spinal paralysis, a computer programmer for Y2K problems, and Sarah Brady [or Sheena Duncan, Adele Kirsten, Peter Storey, etc.] for firearms expertise.
The 2nd Amendment, ratified in 1791, refers to the National Guard, which was created by an act of Congress in 1903.
The National Guard, funded by the federal government, occupying property leased to the federal government, using weapons owned by the federal government, punishing trespassers under federal law, is a state militia.
These phrases," right of the people peaceably to assemble," "right of the people to be secure in their homes," "enumeration's herein of certain rights shall not be construed to disparage others retained by the people," and "The powers not delegated herein are reserved to the states respectively, and to the people," all refer to individuals, but "the right of the people to keep and bear arms" refers to the state.
We don't need guns against an oppressive government, because the Constitution has internal safeguards, but we should ban and seize all guns, thereby violating the 2nd, 4th, and 5th amendments to that Constitution.
Rifles and handguns aren't necessary to national defense, which is why the army has millions of them.
Private citizens shouldn't have handguns, because they serve no military purpose, and private citizens shouldn't have "assault rifles," because they are military weapons.
The ready availability of guns today, with waiting periods, background checks, fingerprinting, government forms, et cetera, is responsible for recent school shootings, compared to the lack of school shootings in the 40's, 50's and 60's, which resulted from the availability of guns at hardware stores, surplus stores, gas stations, variety stores, mail order, et cetera.
The NRA's attempt to run a "don't touch" campaign about kids handling guns is propaganda, and the anti-gun lobby's attempt to run a "don't touch" campaign is responsible social activity.
Guns are so complex that special training is necessary to use them properly, and so simple to use that they make murder easy.
A handgun, with up to 4 controls, is far too complex for the typical adult to learn to use, as opposed to an automobile that only has 20.
Women are just as intelligent and capable as men but a woman with a gun is "an accident waiting to happen" and gun makers' advertisements aimed at women are "preying on their fears."
Ordinary people in the presence of guns turn into slaughtering butchers but revert to normal when the weapon is removed.
Guns cause violence, which is why there are so many mass killings at gun shows.
A majority of the population supports gun control, just like a majority of the population supported owning slaves.
A self-loading small arm can legitimately be considered to be a "weapon of mass destruction" or an "assault weapon."
Most people can't be trusted, so we should have laws against guns, which most people will abide by because they can be trusted.
The right of online pornographers to exist cannot be questioned because it is constitutionally protected by the Bill of Rights, but the use of handguns for self defense is not really protected by the Bill of Rights.
Free speech entitles one to own newspapers, transmitters, computers, and typewriters, but self-defense only justifies bare hands.
The ACLU is good because it uncompromisingly defends certain parts of the Constitution, and the NRA is bad, because it defends other parts of the Constitution.
Charlton Heston as president of the NRA is a shill who should be ignored, but Michael Douglas as a representative of Handgun Control, Inc. is an ambassador for peace who is entitled to an audience at the UN arms control summit.
Police operate with backup within groups, which is why they need larger capacity pistol magazines than do "civilians" who must face criminals alone and therefore need less ammunition.
We should ban "Saturday Night Specials" and other inexpensive guns because it's not fair that poor people have access to guns too.
Police officers, who qualify with their duty weapons once or twice a year, have some special Jedi-like mastery over handguns that private citizens can never hope to obtain.
Private citizens don't need a gun for self-protection because the police are there to protect them even though the Supreme Court says the police are not responsible for their protection.
Citizens don't need to carry a gun for personal protection but police chiefs, who are desk-bound administrators who work in a building filled with cops, need a gun.
"Assault weapons" have no purpose other than to kill large numbers of people, which is why the police need them but "civilians" do not.
When Microsoft pressures its distributors to give Microsoft preferential promotion, that's bad; but when the Federal government pressures cities to buy guns only from Smith & Wesson, that's good.
Trigger locks do not interfere with the ability to use a gun for defensive purposes, which is why you see police officers with one on their duty weapon.
When Handgun Control, Inc., says they want to "keep guns out of the wrong hands," they don't mean you. Really.

2009-03-31T16:56:00.000-04:00

And this is great for a laugh. What if the Dallas folks had created Star Wars?

Obama and Nazism?

2009-03-31T16:32:00.001-04:00

The following is excerpted from an email I received several days ago. It is an interesting read, and if I did it right the links within the article will be clickable. I can't vouch for the veracity of the contents, but it is an interesting read, nonetheless.

$6 Billion To Train People To Volunteer?

Obama wants a civilian security force as powerful as the Department of Defense.

By TVC Executive Director Andrea Lafferty

March 26, 2009 – When President Barack Hussein Obama campaigned for the White House, he promised he would establish a civilian security force that would be as fully-funded as the Department of Defense.

Here is what he promised during a speech in Colorado Springs on July 2, 2008:

We cannot continue to rely on our military in order to achieve the national security objectives that we've set. We've got to have a civilian national security force that's just as powerful, just as strong, just as well-funded.

Obama wants a civilian security force as powerful and as well-funded as the Department of Defense? Would that include giving this security force weapons – like rifles, helicopters, and missile launchers?

The groundwork for this civilian army controlled by Obama was accomplished in the Senate on March 25. The Obama-compliant U.S. Senate passed the Serve America Act (S. 3487), which is being portrayed as a way of encouraging volunteerism in America. It is sponsored by extreme liberal Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA).

This bill creates a National Service Reserve Corps that allegedly is only for aiding in national disasters and other emergencies. It will use colleges and universities as bases of operation for training students to “serve” their communities.

S. 3487 will use these volunteers to assist non-profits, faith-based groups and other civic organizations to improve “the capacity of such organizations.” In other words, to help liberal nonprofits to promote Obama’s social agenda.

Obama supporters in Alabama are campaigning throughout Birmingham for passage of Obama’s $9.3 trillion dollar spending binge. The organizers are part of Organizing for America. A leader of this group is Chris DeHaven. He told his volunteers: “We’re looking for supporters. We’re not looking for a fight. That will come later, when we have an army.”

It appears that Obama and his lockstep Congress have given DeHaven the uniformed army he wants.

House Version For Civilian Security Army

The House also passed H.R. 1388. This is worse than the Senate version. If elements of this bill are added to the Senate version, it will give Obama the basis for creating his civilian security force – a Brown Shirts army.

The House legislation reauthorizes the National and Community Service Act of 1990 and the Domestic Volunteer Service Act of 1973.

H.R. 1388’s official title is: “Generations Invigorating Volunteerism And Education Act (GIVE Act).

H.R. 1388 authorizes new studies and programs with an allocation of $6 billion over the next five years, according to the Congressional Budget Office (CBO). Think of it: $6 billion to train people to volunteer.

The legislation appears to be laying the ground work for Obama’s goal of having 250,000 “volunteers” who will engage in community involvement activities.

In fact, Obama’s Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel may have laid the groundwork for this civilian security force. In 2006, Emanuel wrote a book called The Plan. On pages 60-65, he calls for universal conscription of 18-25 year olds for civilian service! “All Americans between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five will be asked to serve their country by going through three months of basic training, civil defense preparation and community service.”

H.R. 1388 discusses “volunteerism” but also indicates that there might be mandatory participation in these activities. It states “if all individuals in the United States were expected to perform national service or were required to perform a certain amount of national service.” This requirement, “would strengthen the social fabric of the Nation and overcome civic challenges by bringing together people from diverse economic, ethnic, and educational backgrounds.”

These conscripts or “volunteers” would be:

… grouped together as appropriate in campuses for operational, support, and boarding purposes. The Corps campus for a unit shall be in a facility or central location established as the operational headquarters and boarding place for the unit. … There shall be a superintendent for each camp."

The legislation also refers to these volunteers wearing “uniforms” and discusses the need for a public service academy – a four-year institution that would train “public sector leaders.”

Under Subtitle E – The National Civilian Community Corps (NCCC), this bill sets up a residential community service program for young adults ages 14-24. It requires that at least 50% of the participants be disadvantaged youth from ethnically diverse backgrounds.

H.R. 1388 will establish an army of uniformed “volunteers” or conscripts, who will engage in public sector work. These uniformed Obamunists would be used for “pressing national and local challenges.” What would those be? Going house to house to confiscate guns? Tracking down individuals accused of hate speech? Rounding up “volunteers” to be put into labor camps?

Would these Obama Brown Shirts* look like the young teenagers who marched into a classroom chanting “Alpha and Omega” and describing how Obama was going to transform their lives?

This army of 250,000 uniformed “volunteers” could be used to intimidate anyone opposed to Obama’s socialist agenda.

*Hitler’s Brown Shirts (Sturmabteilung – SA) was founded by Adolf Hitler in 1921. Members of the Brown Shirts were disadvantaged youth. From 1931, the Brown Shirts was operated by Ernst Rohm, an anti-capitalist. By 1933, the Brown Shirts numbered 2 million – twice the size of the German Army. It was Rohm’s idea that the Brown Shirts should be as strong as the Army and the Nazi Party. That sort of sounds like Obama’s desire to have a civilian security force that will be as powerful as the Department of Defense.

This is great.

2009-03-20T20:36:00.003-04:00

This guy gets owned, and it is funny as hell. Click to enlarge.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

2009-03-17T14:19:00.002-04:00

Operation Clambake

2009-03-16T22:57:00.003-04:00

I was doing some research and came across this website. Interesting reading. The following is from a flyer you can obtain from the website:

I'm going to tell you a story. Are you sitting comfortably? Right, then I'll begin.

Once upon a time (75 million years ago to be more precise) there was an alien galactic ruler named Xenu. Xenu was in charge of all the planets in this part of the galaxy including our own planet Earth, except in those days it was called Teegeeack.

Now Xenu had a problem. All of the 76 planets he controlled were overpopulated. Each planet had on average 178 billion people. He wanted to get rid of all the overpopulation so he had a plan.

Xenu took over complete control with the help of renegades to defeat the good people and the Loyal Officers. Then with the help of psychiatrists he called in billions of people for income tax inspections where they were instead given injections of alcohol and glycol mixed to paralyse them. Then they were put into space planes that looked exactly like DC8s (except they had rocket motors instead of propellers).

These DC8 space planes then flew to planet Earth where the paralysed people were stacked around the bases of volcanoes in their hundreds of billions. When they had finished stacking them around then H-bombs were lowered into the volcanoes. Xenu then detonated all the H-bombs at the same time and everyone was killed.

The story doesn't end there though. Since everyone has a soul (called a "thetan" in this story) then you have to trick souls into not coming back again. So while the hundreds of billions of souls were being blown around by the nuclear winds he had special electronic traps that caught all the souls in electronic beams (the electronic beams were sticky like fly-paper).

After he had captured all these souls he had them packed into boxes and taken to a few huge cinemas. There all the souls had to spend days watching special 3D motion pictures that told them what life should be like and many confusing things. In this film they were shown false pictures and told they were God, The Devil and Christ. In the story this process is called "implanting".

When the films ended and the souls left the cinema these souls started to stick together because since they had all seen the same film they thought they were the same people. They clustered in groups of a few thousand. Now because there were only a few living bodies left they stayed as clusters and inhabited these bodies.

As for Xenu, the Loyal Officers finally overthrew him and they locked him away in a mountain on one of the planets. He is kept in by a force-field powered by an eternal battery and Xenu is still alive today.

That is the end of the story. And so today everyone is full of these clusters of souls called "body thetans". And if we are to be a free soul then we have to remove all these "body thetans" and pay lots of money to do so. And the only reason people believe in God and Christ was because it was in the film their body thetans saw 75 million years ago.

Well what did you think of that story?

What? You thought it was a stupid story?

Well so do we. However, this story is the core belief in the religion known as Scientology.* If people knew about this story then most people would never get involved in it. This story is told to you when you reach one of their secret levels called OT III. After that you are supposed to telepathically communicate with these body thetans to make them go away. You have to pay a lot of money to get to this level and do this (or you have to work very hard for the organisation on extremely low pay for many years).

We are telling you this story as a warning. If you become involved with Scientology then we would like you to do so with your eyes open and fully aware of the sort of material it contains.

Most of the Scientologists who work in their Dianetics* centres and so called "Churches" of Scientology do not know this story since they are not allowed to hear it until they reach the secret "upper" levels of Scientology. It may take them many years before they reach this level if they ever do. The ones who do know it are forced to keep it a secret and not tell it to those people who are joining Scientology.

Now you have read this you know their big secret. Don't let us put you off joining though.

2009-03-16T17:38:00.002-04:00

Now I remember why I hate the French

2009-03-16T09:24:00.002-04:00

Those who know me know that I don't hold the French in very high esteem. France is the world's equivalent of of a man with a bad comb-over. Most Americans don't even know that Allied forces actually fought AGAINST French forces in World War II (look up Vichy France). The history books are finally portraying Charles de Gaulle as the pompous ass that he was. The following article from the BBC is excellent (you may also click the link above):

France's rendezvous with history

Earlier this week, French President Nicolas Sarkozy said his country would end four decades of self-imposed isolation and return to Nato's military command.

Here, the BBC's Allan Little reflects on France's long journey to reconcile itself with one of the darkest chapters in its history and its difficult relationship with the US and the UK.

There is a story about a conversation between General de Gaulle, who, as president of the French Republic, telephoned his American counterpart Lyndon B Johnson, to inform him that France had decided to withdraw from the North Atlantic Treaty alliance.

Since its foundation nearly two decades earlier, Nato had had its headquarters in France. Now Nato would have to move.

Furthermore, de Gaulle added, it was his intention that all American service personnel should be removed from French soil.

"Does that include," Johnson is said to have replied, "those buried in it?"

Ouch.

Anti-Americanism

But go to the cemeteries of Normandy and you see what an Anglo-Saxon business the D-Day landings - and the liberation of France - really were.

The historian Andrew Roberts has calculated that of the 4,572 allied servicemen who died on that day on which, in retrospect, so much of human history seems now to have pivoted - only 19 were French. That is 0.4%.

“ France, he said, had made peace with Germany... but it could never - never - forgive the British and Americans for the liberation ”

Of the rest, 37 were Norwegians, and one was Belgian. The rest were from the English speaking world - two New Zealanders, 13 Australians, 359 Canadians, 1,641 Britons and, most decisively of all, 2,500 Americans.

After the disastrous Suez crisis in 1956, it fell to Harold Macmillan as UK prime minister to move Britain from the Age of Empire to the Age of Europe.

But his attempts to take the United Kingdom into what was then called the Common Market fell foul of General de Gaulle's famous vetoes.

Twice Monsieur Non listened politely to Britain's plea, and twice he slammed the door.

De Gaulle saw in British membership the Trojan Horse of American imperialism in Europe.

After Algeria won its independence from France in the early 1960s, de Gaulle was fond of saying that he had not granted freedom to one country only to sit by and watch France lose its independence to the Americans.

Macmillan, in old age, spoke ruefully of France's almost psychotic relationship with its Anglo-Saxon allies.

France, he said, had made peace with Germany, had forgiven Germany for the brutality of invasion and the humiliation of four years of occupation, but it could never - never - forgive the British and Americans for the liberation.

French anti-Americanism has a long pedigree. The 18th Century philosophers of the European Enlightenment believed the New World to be self evidently inferior.

They spoke - and wrote, prolifically - of the degeneration of plant and animal life in America.

They believed America had emerged from the ocean millennia after the old continents; and that accounted for the cultural inferiority of civilisations that tried to plant themselves there.

Self-liberation

I was living in Paris when France celebrated the 60th anniversary of its liberation.

I went to the beaches of Normandy on the 60th anniversary of D-Day and watched veterans assembling one last time, old men, heads held high, marching past blown up photographs of themselves as young liberators.

France's ambivalence - the same neurosis that Harold MacMillan spoke of - was evident.

Paris launched a series of events to mark the 60th anniversary of its own liberation in August 2004.

The city's mayor had given the celebrations the title Paris Se Libere! - Paris Liberates Herself!

One of the newspapers published a 48-page commemorative issue. There was no mention of the allies until page 18.

Building a myth

An English friend of mine, in town that weekend, had remarked how empty Paris felt in August, the month the city empties out as its residents head for their annual sojourn in the countryside.

"I see," he said "that Paris was liberated in August. I guess the Parisians didn't find out about it till September, when they came back."

Again - ouch. The caustic Anglo-Saxon wit stings.

It stings because the tale that France told itself after the war was built around a lie. Paris se libere.

The words were first spoken by de Gaulle himself at the Hotel de Ville on the evening of 25 August 1944.

Paris had been liberated by her own people, he declared, "with the help of the armies of France, with the help and support of the whole of France, that is to say of fighting France, the true France, the eternal France."

France knew, in its heart, even in 1944, that that was not true. It took until the 1980s for a generation of historians properly to re-examine the darkest chapter of France's 20th Century history.

When I was living in Paris, it struck me that Sarkozy - not yet president - had the potential to be France's first post-Gaullist leader.

His enemies called him "Sarkozy the American" in the hope that this would make him unelectable. It did not work.

And now he has taken his country back into the Atlanticist fold.

It seems to me another step in a long journey, in which France - in its mature, disputatious, entrenched democracy - is growing reconciled to the history that is now challenging the myths.

Nancy Pelosi: Self-serving, elitist bitch

2009-03-11T16:11:00.004-04:00

Ever since Nancy Pelosi came into the limelight as House Speaker, I've always thought that she was a self-serving, useless bitch. It was proven fairly quickly when she went on her own international relations trip to try to show the world how important she thinks she really is.

The following news article from Fox News further proves my point. Enjoy reading the excerpts from the emails sent by her aide, Kay King. Sounds like a real cunt to me:

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has repeatedly requested military aircraft to shuttle her and her colleagues and family around the country, according to a new report from a conservative watchdog group.

Representatives for Judicial Watch, which obtained e-mails and other documents from a Freedom of Information request, said the correspondence shows Pelosi has abused the system in place to accommodate congressional leaders and treated the Air Force as her "personal airline."

Pelosi's office disputed the claim, pointing to White House policy enacted after the Sept. 11 attacks allowing for the House speaker to travel to his or her congressional district via military aircraft whenever possible for security reasons. Her office said she typically uses the same kind of aircraft used by her predecessor, Dennis Hastert.

But Judicial Watch said that Pelosi was notorious for making special demands for high-end aircraft, lodging last-minute cancellations and racking up additional expenses for the military.

The e-mails showed repeated attempts by Pelosi aides to request aircraft, sometimes aggressively, and by Department of Defense officials to accommodate them.

"I think that's above and beyond what other members of Congress are doing and what is expected of our elected officials," said Jenny Small, a researcher with the group.

In one e-mail, aide Kay King complained to the military that they had not made available any aircraft the House speaker wanted for Memorial Day recess.

"It is my understanding there are NO G5s available for the House during the Memorial Day recess. This is totally unacceptable ... The Speaker will want to know where the planes are," King wrote.

In another, when told a certain type of aircraft would not be available, King wrote: "This is not good news, and we will have some very disappointed folks, as well as a very upset Speaker."

Pelosi spokesman Nadeam Elshami said the report seemed to be based on only "a few e-mails," and defended the requests for military aircraft for her colleagues as a "function of the speaker's office." Elshami said at least one of the requests in the above e-mails referenced requests made for other members.

Pelosi's office noted that the Department of Defense ultimately makes all decisions on use of military aircraft for travel, and that Pelosi is "extraordinarily appreciative" of the department's effort to accommodate Congress.

...and in case you don't believe me, here is the article from Judicial Watch:

Judicial Watch Uncovers Documents Detailing Pelosi's Repeated Requests for Military Travel

Contact Information:
Press Office 202-646-5172, ext 305
Washington, DC -- March 10, 2009

House Speaker Issued Unprecedented Demands for Military Aircraft and Wasted Taxpayer Resources with Last Minute Cancellations

Judicial Watch, the public interest group that investigates and prosecutes government corruption, announced today that it has obtained documents from the Department of Defense (DOD) detailing House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's multiple requests for military air travel. The documents, obtained by Judicial Watch through the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA), include internal DOD email correspondence detailing attempts by DOD staff to accommodate Pelosi's numerous requests for military escorts and military aircraft as well as the speaker's last minute cancellations and changes. The following are a few highlights from the documents, which are linked in full below:

In response to a series of requests for military aircraft, one Defense Department official wrote, "Any chance of politely querying [Pelosi's team] if they really intend to do all of these or are they just picking every weekend?...[T]here's no need to block every weekend 'just in case'..." The email also notes that Pelosi's office had, "a history of canceling many of their past requests."
One DOD official complained about the "hidden costs" associated with the speaker's last minute changes and cancellations. "We have...folks prepping the jets and crews driving in (not a short drive for some), cooking meals and preflighting the jets etc."
The documents include a discussion of House Ethics rules and Defense Department policies as they apply to the speaker's requests for staff, spouses and extended family to accompany her on military aircraft. In May 2008, for example, Pelosi requested that her husband join her on a Congressional Delegation (CODEL) into Iraq. The DOD explained to Pelosi that the agency has a written policy prohibiting spouses from joining CODEL's into combat zones.
Documents obtained from the U.S. Army include correspondence from Speaker Pelosi's office requesting an Army escort and three military planes to transport Pelosi and other members of Congress to Cleveland, Ohio, for the funeral services of the late Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones. Pelosi noted in her letter of August 22, 2008, that such a request, labeled "Operation Tribute" was an "exception to standard policy."
The documents also detail correspondence from intermediaries for Speaker Pelosi issuing demands for certain aircraft and expressing outrage when requested military planes were not available. "It is my understanding there are no G5s available for the House during the Memorial Day recess. This is totally unacceptable...The speaker will want to know where the planes are..." wrote Kay King, Director of the House Office of Interparliamentary Affairs. In a separate email, when told a certain type of aircraft would not be available, King writes, "This is not good news, and we will have some very disappointed folks, as well as a very upset [s]peaker."
During another email exchange DOD staff advised Kay King that one Pelosi military aircraft request could not be met because of "crew rest requirements" and offered to help secure commercial travel. Kay King responded: "We appreciate the efforts to help the codel [sic] fly commercially but you know the problem that creates with spouses. If we can find another way to assist with military assets, we would like to do that."

Speaker Pelosi came under fire in 2007 for requesting a 42-seat Air Force carrier to ferry the Speaker and her staff back and forth between San Francisco, CA and Washington, DC. Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert was allowed access to a 12-seat commuter jet for security reasons after the events of 9/11.

"Taken together, these documents show that Speaker Pelosi treats the Air Force like her personal airline," said Judicial Watch President Tom Fitton. "Not only does Speaker Pelosi issue unreasonable requests for military travel, but her office seems unconcerned about wasting taxpayer money with last minute cancellations and other demands."

Umm....what?!?

2009-03-08T14:24:00.004-04:00

You will need to click on the picture to make it more readable.

Because I love lawyers so much...

2009-03-07T12:16:00.000-05:00

A lawyer was in a sweat because he had an important meeting with the IRS and couldn't find a parking space.

Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up drinking."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

The lawyer looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."

If Dear Abby Was A Man...

2009-02-26T20:36:00.001-05:00

Q: My fiancée still has feelings for his old girlfriends. I'm afraid he will not be faithful.
A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to buy him a Ranger Bass Boat, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior - and it should be very much encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a new hunting rifle, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a Rolex watch, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10 calories a spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep your figure and gives a great glow to the skin. Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to you to perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a man. This shows he loves you. Best thing
to do is to thank him, buy him a pair of hand-made Rattlesnake Cowboy Boots, and cook
him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time. To help with the family budget you may wish to video tape yourself while doing this, and to sell it at RV/Boat Shows. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man a solid gold money clip and a golf membership, and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband goes straight to sleep after making love - we have no time to talk.
A: Sex is an extremely difficult task for a man. Afterwards he needs rest. In fact, the more he loves you, the more hard work his love-making is, and the more rest he needs. Stop putting pressure on him. Buy him a new set of golf clubs, and cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband's efforts at lovemaking only last 30 seconds.
A: Your husband loves you very much. He is so turned on by you that he cannot control himself. In fact, the shorter the 'effort' the more he loves you. Return this love by buying a full set of all of Sears Power Tools, and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that you do not love your man as much as you should - he has to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in this area, and make it up to him by buying the biggest Chain Saw on the market, and cooking a nice meal.

Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant, man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit. Don't mention it again to him and show your love to him by buying a Harley Davidson. And don't forget to cook him a delicious meal.

2009-02-17T19:28:00.002-05:00

2009-02-14T20:20:00.001-05:00

Proof that Men Have Better Friends...

Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.

True to life badasses

2009-02-07T19:14:00.002-05:00

Okay, I might get in trouble for copying and reprinting this, but I absolutely laughed my ass off because of the comments. These are all true stories of certifiable badass soldiers. I found this at Cracked's website. To give credit, I tried to link to the story above...

#5.

Simo Hayha

Who Was He?

Simo Hayha had a fairly boring life in Finland. He served his one mandatory year in the military, and then became a farmer. But when the Soviet Union invaded his homeland in 1939, he decided he wanted to help his country.

Since the majority of fighting took place in the forest, he figured the best way to stop the invasion was to grab his trusty rifle, a couple of cans of food and hide in a tree all day shooting Russians. In six feet of snow. And 20-40 degrees below zero.

Can you spot Hayha? Neither could the Russians.

Of course when the Russians heard that dozens of their men were going down and that it was all one dude with a rifle, they got fucking scared. He became known as "The White Death" because of his white camouflage outfit, and they actually mounted whole missions just to kill that one guy.

They started by sending out a task force to find Hayha and take him out. He killed them all.

Then they tried getting together a team of counter-snipers (which are basically snipers that kill snipers) and sent them in to eliminate Hayha. He killed all of them, too.

Over the course of 100 days, Hayha killed 542 people with his rifle. He took out another 150 or so with his SMG, sending his credited kill-count up to 705.

Since everyone they had was either too dead or too scared to go anywhere near him, the Russians just carpet-bombed everywhere they thought he might be. Supposedly, they had the location right, and he actually got hit by a cloud of shrapnel that tore his coat up, but didn't actually hurt him, because he's the fucking White Death, damn it.

Finally on March 6th, 1940, some lucky bastard shot Hayha in the head with an exploding bullet. When some other soldiers found him and brought him back to base, he "had half his head missing." The White Death had finally been stopped...

...for about a week. In spite of having come down with a nasty case of shot-in-the-face syndrome, he was still very much alive, and regained consciousness on March 13, the very day the war ended.

The Best Hollywood Could Come Up With:

Bob Lee Swagger (Mark Wahlberg) from Shooter:

In Shooter, Mark Wahlberg plays a reclusive, worn-out ex-sniper trying to escape the ghosts of his past. Bob Lee is called in by the FBI who want to know if he (hypothetically) wanted to murder, let's say, the president, how would he (hypothetically) do it? They claim that he's "the best there is" because after years of training with long-distance shooting, he successfully killed 70 men in the desert with one of these:

Why it doesn't Compare:

Aside from the obvious fact that Hayha killed over 10 times as many men after only the most basic military training, he did it in 40-below weather, in the middle of the forest. And he did it all with one of these:

#4.

Yogendra Singh Yadav

Who Was He?

Yogendra Singh Yadav was a member of an Indian grenadier battalion during a conflict with Pakistan in 1999. Their mission was to climb "Tiger Hill" (actually a big-ass mountain), and neutralize the three enemy bunkers at the top. Unfortunately, this meant climbing up a sheer hundred-foot cliff-face of solid ice. Since they didn't want to all climb up one at a time with ice-axes, they decided they'd send one guy up, and he'd fasten the ropes to the cliff as he went, so everyone else could climb up the sissy way. Yadav, being awesome, volunteered.

Half way up the icy cliff-o'-doom, enemies stationed on an adjacent mountain opened fire, shooting them with an RPG, then spraying assault-rifle fire all over the cliff. Half his squad was killed, including the commander, and the rest were scattered and disorganized. Yadav, in spite of being shot three times, kept climbing.

When he reached the top, one of the target bunkers opened fire on him with machine guns. Yadav ran toward the hail of bullets, pitched a grenade in the window and killed everyone inside. By this point the second bunker had a clear shot and opened fire, so he ran at them, taking bullets while he did, and killed the four heavily-armed men inside with his bare hands.

Meanwhile, the remainder of his squad was standing at the top of the cliff staring at him saying, "dude, holy shit!" They then all went and took the third bunker with little trouble.

For his gallantry and sheer ballsiness, he was awarded the Param Vir Chakra, India's highest military award. Unlike the Medal of Honor, the Param Vir Chakra is only given for "rarest of the rare gallantry which is beyond the call of duty and which in normal life is considered impossible to do." That's right, you actually have to break the laws of reality just to be eligible.

And we imagine the medal looks like two, brass testicles.

It has only been awarded 21 times, and two thirds of the people who earned it died in the process. It was initially reported that Yadav had as well, but it turns out that they just mistook him for someone less badass. Or they just figured no real human being could survive a broken leg, shattered arm and 10-15 fresh bullet holes in one sitting.

The best Hollywood could come up with:

John McClane (Bruce Wilis) from Die Hard:

Why it Doesn't Compare:

McClane has a fairly impressive resume of badassery, climbing through elevator shafts and killing terrorists with his bare hands, much like Yadav, except Yadav took more bullets in 10 minutes than McClane did in the entire series without even slowing down. Plus, he was fucking 19-years-old! Try to imagine a high school Bruce Willis screaming, "yippee ki-yay, motherfucker!"

Exactly.

#3.

Jack Churchill

Who Was He?

An allied commander in WWII, and an avid fan of surfing, Captain Jack Malcolm Thorpe Fleming Churchill aka "Fighting Jack Churchill" aka "Mad Jack" was basically the craziest motherfucker in the whole damn war.

He volunteered for commando duty, not actually knowing what it entailed, but knowing that it sounded dangerous, and therefore fun. He is best known for saying that "any officer who goes into action without his sword is improperly dressed" and, in following with this, for carrying a sword into battle. In WWII. And not one of those sissy ceremonial things the Marines have. No, Jack carried a fucking claymore. And he used it, too. He is credited with capturing a total of 42 Germans and a mortar squad in the middle of the night, using only his sword.

Churchill and his team were tasked with capturing a German fortification creatively called "Point 622." Churchill took the lead, charging ahead of the group into the dark through the barbed wire and mines, pitching grenades as he went. Although his unit did their best to catch up, all but six of them were lost to silly things like death. Of those six, half were wounded and all any of them had left were pistols. Then a mortar shell swung in and killed/mortally wounded everyone who wasn't Jack Churchill.

When the Germans found him, he was playing "Will Ye No Come Back Again?" on his bagpipes. Oh, we didn't mention that? He carried them right next to his big fucking sword.

After being sent to a concentration camp, he got bored and left. Just walked out. They caught him again, and sent him to a new camp. So he left again. After walking 150 miles with only a rusty can of onions for food, he was picked up by the Americans and sent back to Britain, where he demanded to be sent back into the field, only to find out (with great disappointment) the war had ended while he was on his way there. As he later said to his friends, "If it wasn't for those damn Yanks, we could have kept the war going another 10 years!"

The Best Hollywood Could Come Up With:

Colonel Bill Kilgore (Robert DuVall) from Apocalypse Now, of "I love the smell of napalm in the morning" fame.

Why It Doesn't Compare:

Well, truth be told, they're pretty much the same person. They're both at home on the battlefield, they have the same philosophies of war and both of them seem to be immune to mortar fire and bullets. Churchill's basically a crazier, Scottish version of Kilgore. With a big fucking broadsword. Like if Kilgore was played by William Wallace from Braveheart on crystal meth.

#2.

Alvin York

Who Was He?

Born to a family of redneck farmers from Tennessee, Alvin York spent much of his youth getting piss drunk in bars and getting into crazy barfights. When his friend got killed in one of the aforementioned barfights, he swore off the liquor, and became a pacifist. When he received his draft notice in 1917, York filed as a "conscientious objector" but was denied. They shipped his ass out to basic training.

About a year later, he was one of 17 men designated to sneak around and take out a fortified machine-gun encampment guarding a German railroad. As they were approaching, the gunners spotted them and opened fire, tearing nine of the men to pieces.

What's left of York's troupe.

The few survivors that didn't have enormous balls of steel ran away, leaving York standing there taking fire from 32 heavy machine gunners. As he said in his diary,

"I didn't have time to dodge behind a tree or dive into the brush, I didn't even have time to kneel or lie down. I had no time no how to do nothing but watch them-there German machine gunners and give them the best I had. Every time I seed a German I just touched him off. At first I was shooting from a prone position; that is lying down; just like we often shoot at the targets in the shooting matches in the mountains of Tennessee; and it was just about the same distance. But the targets here were bigger. I just couldn't miss a German's head or body at that distance. And I didn't."

After he killed the first 20 men or so, a German lieutenant got five guys together to try to take this guy from the side. York pulled out his Colt .45 (which only had eight bullets) and killed all of them with it, a practice he likened to "shoot[ing] wild turkeys back home."

At this point lieutenant Paul Jurgen Vollmer yelled out over the noise asking if York was English. See, in WWI, no one really took the Americans very seriously, and everyone thought of them as the rookies. Vollmer figured this crazy/awesome/ballsy soldier must be some kind of English superman who was showing these sissy Americans how it was done. When York said he was American, Vollmer replied "Good Lord! If you won't shoot any more I will make them give up."

Ten minutes later, 133 men came walking towards the remains of York's battalion. Lieutenant Woods, York's superior at first thought it was a German counter-attack until he saw York, who saluted and said "Corporal York reports with prisoners, sir." When the stunned officer asked how many, York replied "Honest, Lieutenant, I don't know."

The Best Hollywood Could Come Up With:

John Rambo from Rambo.

Why it Doesn't Compare:

Sure, Rambo takes on a huge chunk of the Vietnamese soldiers guarding a POW camp and slaughters them all. But that was a good 10 years after the war ended. It's not like they were expecting some guy to come charging into the camp, mowing everybody down.

York pulled his badassery off in the middle of a war, while outnumbered every bit as badly as Rambo was. And York's the one who was a pacifist.

#1.

Audie Murphy

Who Was He?

When Audie Murphy applied to the Marines in 1942 at the tender age of 16, he was 5'5" and weighed 110 pounds. They laughed in his face. So he applied to the Air Force, and they also laughed in his face. Then he applied for the Army, and they figured they could always use another grunt to absorb gunfire, so they let him in. He wasn't particularly good at it, and they actually tried to get him transferred to be a cook after he passed out halfway through training. He insisted that he wanted to fight though, so they sent him into the maelstrom.

During the invasion of Italy he was promoted to corporal for his awesome shooting skills, and at the same time contracted malaria, which he had for almost the entire war. Try to remember that.

He was sent into southern France in 1944. He encountered a German machine gun crew who pretended they were surrendering, then shot his best buddy. Murphy completely hulked out, killed everyone in the gun nest, then used their weaponry to kill every baddie in a 100-yard radius, including two more machine gun nests and a bunch of snipers. They gave him a Distiguished Service Cross, and made him platoon commander while everyone apologized profusely for calling him "Shorty."

About half a year later, his company was given the job of defending the Colmar Pocket, a critical region in France, even though all they had left was 19 guys (out of the original 128) and a couple of M-10 Tank Destroyers.

The Germans showed up with a shitload of guys and half a dozen tanks. Since reinforcements weren't coming for a while, Murphy and his men hid in a trench and sent the M-10s to go do the heavy lifting. They got ripped to shreds.

Then, this five-and-a-half-foot-tall kid with malaria ran up to one of the crippled M-10s, hopped in behind the .50 cal machine gun, and started killing everything in sight. Understand that the M-10 was on fire, had a full tank of gas and was basically a death-trap.

He is a seriously tiny man.

He kept going for almost an hour until he was out of bullets, then walked back to his bewildered men as the M-10 exploded in the background Mad Max style. They gave him literally every medal they could (33 in all, although he had doubles of a few, plus five from France and one from Belgium), including the Medal of Honor.

After the war, he came down with Shell-Shock, and was prescribed the antidepressant placidyl. When he became addicted to the drug, rather than enter a program like some kind of sissy, he went cold-turkey, locked himself in a motel room for a week and got over it. He wrote an autobiography entitled To Hell and Back, and later became an actor.

The Best Hollywood Could Come Up With:

Audie Murphy (Audie Murphy) from To Hell and Back:

He is a seriously tiny man.

In To Hell and Back, Audie Murphy plays Audie Murphy, a badass war hero who proves his worth on the battlefield with his awesome badassery. The movie was the highest-grossing film Universal made, a record it held for 20 years until the making of Jaws. That's right, they actually needed a movie about a giant, man-eating, shark to top Audie Murphy's awesomeness.

Why it Doesn't Compare:

When some Hollywood producer wanted to make a movie based on Murphy's autobiography, he was determined to have Murphy play himself in the film. Murphy was afraid people would see the complete insane awesomeness the story had to offer, and think he was embellishing or trying to cash in on his fame, so he actually had them take parts out for fear that they wouldn't be believable to a Hollywood audience. Seriously.

Are you kidding me?

2009-02-06T18:09:00.002-05:00

The Messiah...err...Obama has decided (along with our moronic Congress) to postpone the complete transition from analog to digital TV signals from February until June, because they seem to think that people haven't had enough time to prepare and might be caught off guard. Are you kidding me? If you are not aware, or are not prepared, for the transition by now, then that is just too bad. That means that you don't have enough to money purchase a converter box, so you shouldn't be wasting money on the electricity to even watch TV (I bought two for a total cost of $5), or you are way too stupid, because they have been advertising the transition heavily for the past year. Hell, this transition has been a work in progress for something like fifteen years, and it was known several years ago that this day was coming. Quit pandering the stupid; make the change, and FORCE people to make the change. How much money are we wasting serving the whims of the dumbasses?

2009-01-29T18:56:00.002-05:00

Media, let's get this straight:
I don't care about what kind of dog Obama is going to get. I don't care about how the White House is going to be decorated. I don't care about what kind of china they are going to use. I don't care that he gets up at 0645 and works out. I don't care about what kind of food he likes. I don't care about his 30-second walk to work.

What I do care about is how he has authorized the use of my tax dollars to fund birth control, abortions, and sex education overseas.

Death to all who oppose us!!

2009-01-29T18:54:00.001-05:00

Click the above link. I wish all states would execute at abundantly as Texas does. Fuck Amnesty International.

?!?!

2009-01-29T08:19:00.001-05:00

Man died after sex act went wrong

By Anna Roberts
29/ 1/2009

A security guard accidentally suffocated himself in an autoerotic accident, an inquest heard.

Ralph Santiago, 31, was found dead in the men’s toilets of the building he worked wearing Wellington boots, a wetsuit and gas mask.

His body was found by a colleague at about 7am on Tuesday, July 22, last year, lying on the floor with a gas canister nearby.

Further rubber/latex outfits were found in Mr Santiago’s car and in the ladies’ toilets of his workplace at Aquis House in Blagrave Street, Reading.

The evening before he died Mr Santiago printed off information from the internet explaining how inhaling “poppers” (legal chemicals used to stimulate a sexual high) via a gas mask can cause arousal.

At an inquest into his death Berkshire coroner Peter Bedford explained Mr Santiago had only worked at Aquis House for one day before he died.

On Monday, July 21, he arrived ready for his 6.30pm to 6.30am shift.

But the next morning, when fellow guard Christopher Courtenay arrived, Mr Santiago was nowhere to be seen.

Reading from Mr Courtenay’s statement, Mr Bedford said: “At 6.30am I could still not see him. I assumed he was in the bathroom.

“At 6.50am I carried out a full patrol. Ralph was still not back.”

Mr Courtenay visited the staff bathroom and discovered the men’s toilet was locked. He went upstairs to get a key, when he opened the door he found a body.

However, he was not certain it was Mr Santiago because only his eyes were visible under the mask.

Paramedics and the police were called. In a statement, PC Barbara Cummings described Mr Santiago as wearing “a black latex suit, gloves, a gas mask and Wellingtons.”

Mr Santiago’s girlfriend Hannele Vaher did not attend the inquest but had previously explained “he had fetishes”, of which she did not take part.

She said he was “prone to dressing up” and adding that he took poppers.

Toxicology tests showed Mr Santiago, of Beresford Avenue in Surbiton, had some alcohol in his system.

Dr Sukhvinder Ghataura, who carried out the autopsy, told the inquest it was likely – owing to the fact Mr Santiago’s lungs were filled with blood – he died of cardio respiratory arrest.

Dr Ghataura said he believed this was caused by inhalation of noxious gases via the gas canister, but added the chemicals had dispersed by the time the post-mortem was carried out.

Mr Bedford recorded a verdict of misadventure, adding: “He indulged in a certain pastime which he was fully entitled to do in his own time.

“This time he was doing it while he worked as a security officer. The fact is he was taking a risk. Tragically and unexpectedly this caused him to die.”

Tributes to ‘generous and loving guy’

Friends of Ralph Santiago paid tribute to him on the networking website Facebook.

Claire Feltham said: “Billy Joel was so, so right when he sang Only The Good Die Young.”

Paul Mason said: “Ralphy, I’ve never met a more generous and loving guy, I can’t believe I won’t hear your laughter.”

Vickas Handas wrote: “Ralphy. You were such a genuine and sincere person.”

And Natalie Baker wrote: “Poor Ralphy... we are all completely gutted to hear such sad news.”

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

2009-01-23T21:03:00.001-05:00

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA JERRY
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossing the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 99, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

GEORGE W.BUSH
I don't think I should have to answer that question.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road" And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

2009-01-20T18:32:00.002-05:00

Today, Barack Obama was sworn in as President of the United States. Do you reckon that Michelle Obama is still proud of her country?

Global warming, part 2...

2009-01-20T18:26:00.003-05:00

So, I took the family to Myrtle Beach for a little after Christmas vacation. The wife and I just needed to get away from work for a while, and the little one is out due to teacher workdays. Now, I understand that Myrtle Beach isn't much farther south than where we live (about a 2-hour drive), and that it does get down to freezing from time to time in the winter, but it has been freakin' snowing! Now, I can imagine if I was a yankee who decided to get away from the cold, snowy winters by coming to Myrtle Beach. I would be pissed! We ran into a couple of Canadians who just smiled and shrugged their shoulders while looking up at the snow. Of course, we will be gone when the weather returns to the 60's later this week...

What in the hell happened to global warming?

2009-01-14T18:33:00.001-05:00

2009-01-11T18:27:00.003-05:00

Where in the hell am I?

2009-01-06T19:23:00.004-05:00

Has anybody noticed the number of motorists driving around with GPS navigation systems stuck to their windshield? What I want to know is, what is the reason for it? Most of the people you see driving around with them aren't going on long road trips. They have left the house to go to work, or shop at the Walmart, or pick up the kids from school. Unless you are a complete moron, or are are brand new to the area, you should already know how to make those trips. They are not even leaving their own town!

2008-12-31T17:35:00.002-05:00

So, how's the weather where you are?

2008-12-28T16:59:00.003-05:00

Well, it is December 28, seven days into winter, and it reached a toasty, sunny 78 degrees here at the house. It was so beautiful today that I had to -HAD TO- put the top down and cruise around running what would otherwise be mundane errands (I made a special trip just to purchase a couple of 9-volt batteries). I know that snow, ice,and rain are keeping travelers pinned down in other parts of the country, but definitely not here in Eastern North Carolina.

It was so nice outside that I wanted to take a nap outdoors. Problem is, my swing/hammock is trashed. So what did I do? Reclined the passenger seat in the convertible and snoozed under the blue skies!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

2008-12-24T21:29:00.001-05:00

Digital TV is almost here (for good)...

2008-12-23T20:55:00.004-05:00

Just in case you are still confused about the upcoming transition to an all-digital format, here is a helpful flowchart (click for a clearer image):

Time for some holiday boobies!!!

2008-12-23T18:12:00.003-05:00

Okay, maybe not the most apropos of postings before Christmas, but I can't deny the fact that I'm always on the lookout for sweater puppies!!

2008-12-22T11:50:00.001-05:00

A trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, & knocks on the door.

The trucker lowers the window, & she says "Hi, my name is Heather & you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her & proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up & knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window.

As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, & you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again & continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. When the light turns green the trucker revs up & races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck,& runs back to the blonde.

He knocks on her window, &after she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Indiana & I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!

You think I'm a dumbass?

2008-12-21T21:15:00.002-05:00

You know, one has to wonder why a parent would give their child a stupid name. Regardless of what level of enlightenment you feel that you have achieved, don't force your children to live a life of difficulty and pain due to your own stupidity. Case in point? Look at the ridiculous names these parents have given their three children. What fucking retards. Read below:

EASTON, Pa. (AP) — The father of 3-year-old Adolf Hitler Campbell, denied a birthday cake with the child's full name on it by one New Jersey supermarket, is asking for a little tolerance.

Heath Campbell and his wife, Deborah, are upset not only with the decision made by the nearby ShopRite, but also with an outpouring of angry Internet postings in response to a local newspaper article about the cake.

Heath Campbell, who is 35, said in an interview Tuesday that people should look forward, not back, and accept change.

"They need to accept a name. A name's a name. The kid isn't going to grow up and do what (Hitler) did," he said.

After ShopRite refused the request for the cake as inappropriate, the Campbells got a cake decorated at a Wal-Mart in Pennsylvania, Deborah Campbell said.

About 12 people attended the birthday party on Sunday, according to Heath Campbell.

The Campbells' other two children also have unusual names: JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell turns 2 in a few months and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell will be 1 in April.

Heath Campbell said he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because "no one else in the world would have that name."

Campbell said his ancestors are German and that he has lived all his life in Hunterdon County, New Jersey, which is across the Delaware River from Easton.

Don't you hate it when you're a dumbass?

2008-12-18T07:19:00.002-05:00

Because of the holiday schedules, our time sheets have to be turned in early. This week, they needed to be turned in Wednesday. On Tuesday morning, our payroll person steps into the office and reminds us about the time sheets. I tell her we are on it. Early afternoon, my boss steps into the office and reminds us about the time sheets. I tell him we are on it, and I even put a post-it note on my computer. At 1800, the night shift supervisor comes in to do paperwork, and I remind him that time sheets need to be turned in before he goes home in the morning. At 1830, I call one of my people who is working late and tell him to make sure his time sheet is completed before he goes home at 2300. At 1900, I went home....

....at 0820 the next morning, I was driving the 40 minutes to work to complete the time sheets and turn them in!!! What a 'tard...