Sometimes you can bargain without doing a thing

Several months ago, I decided to let some of my magazine subscriptions expire, since I was receiving three computer magazines, four aviation magazines, National Geographic, Air&Space, Popular Science, and some others. As you might recall, paying the newsstand price for a magazine over time can get expensive when the magazine retails on the rack for $6 a month. You don't think about it, but at that rate, you are paying $72/year for 12 issues, plus tax. When you subscribe, you often obtain substantial savings, and the same magazine might go for $20/year. But then you get caught up in the "that's too expensive for a subscription" mindset, when you think paying $20 is too much for one year, when in reality it would cost nearly $100 through newsstand purchases. That is what happened to me. I was going to drop one of the computer magazines I get. I tried to decide which one, and ultimately I felt that paying $24/year for a monthly magazine was too much. Too much! Are you serious? $2 a month? Yeah, I did...Anyway, when I didn't renew, the company sent me a second, third, and fourth renewal form, and I didn't bite. So then they send me a "we miss you, please come back" form for $14. Hmmm...nope, I didn't bite. Then I received a couple more notices asking for either $20, or $24, and back to $14 for one year. Nope. This went on for two months. Finally, last week I get a mailing from the company asking me to come back for $12 for a one-year subscription. What the heck, and I filled out the form. Just as I was getting ready to cut a check for twelve bucks, I see the fine print that says double the offer for $24. So...by showing a little patience, and not doing anything but waiting, I am now getting a two-year subscription for the price of one year (realistically, the equivalent of two years for the cost of a six-moth subscription). Or, in other words, I'm paying something in the area of only 10% of the newsstand price.

If you want an interesting read, click on the link above to read about a conspiracy theory involving the quick retirement of the F-117.

Movies as seen by kids

The above link is good for a Saturday laugh.

Leave no stone unturned...

As you might remember, I suffer from kidney stones, and my first event was in October 2005 (documented in the archives section). Well, since that time, I've passed several kidney stones since, but none have hurt long or bad enough to go back to the hospital. I only say this because I passed another one yesterday. Same urge to piss, same dull ache, only this time the dull ache was starting to get worse, and by 4 p.m. yesterday I was wondering if another trip to the ER was brewing. About 5 p.m., I took a leak, and the pain subsequently went away. Aaahhhhhhhhh.....!!!

Hope you never suffer from this.

Did you know...

Well, the black community in New York City is up in arms, now that the three officers who were tried for killing Sean Bell were found not guilty. The cries of racism abound. But did you know:

Two of the five officers involved were black, one was white, one was Middle-Eastern, and one was of biracial black and Hispanic origin (Haitian/Mexican). The first officer to fire was black.

Hmmmm.....

Oh, and whatever happened to Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson after it was proven that the Duke Lacrosse bitch lied?

There's no room for common sense here

The following statement was made by a fella who isn't even an American citizen. He can clearly be considered an innocent bystander in the game of US politics.

"We in Holland cannot figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election. On one side, you have a bitch who is a lawyer married to a lawyer, and a lawyer who is married to a bitch who is a lawyer. On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a woman with huge tits and owns a beer distributorship. Is there a contest here?"

Interesting perspective. Can you answer the question?

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "But what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."

Some people have too much time on their hands

The above link is to a video that Star Wars fans might find interesting. For those of you who don't know, George Lucas allegedly got his idea of flying in the Death Star trench to hit a difficultly small target from the movie 633 Squadron and the real-life events of the Dambusters. Somebody with too much time on his hands decided to take the attack scene from the Dambusters movie and tie it in with the voice and effects tracks of Episode IV.

In light of the current season, it is time for a classic:

The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet." Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops. Ralph says, "Now, I' ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over an IRS officials desk and that you'd be happy about it."

Ruffled feathers

Last Saturday, my weekend got ruined when I was notified at 11 a.m. Friday morning that I had to work Saturday afternoon and evening due to a visit by William Jefferson "Slick Willy" Clinton. We had our briefing, and the command officer mentioned that there was no designated VIP parking. Ha! I immediately saw my opportunity to make the night worthwhile. I intentionally stood at a location so that I was the first person the public would meet when they pulled into the parking lot. Why? Imagine the pleasure felt when a county commissioner pulled up with his wife, stops next to me, rolls down his window, and asks, "Where's the VIP parking?" To which I respond, "Supposed VIP's park in the same location as the general public." I got to say this to two county commissioners, three city councilmembers, a district court judge, a superior court judge, and various other people high on the socio-economic ladder. What fun! But it got even better. These alleged VIP's then thought there was a VIP seating section inside the establishment. Surprise! They had to stand in line like everybody else. It was great.

Why was it great! Because all of these people who pulled up and asked about VIP parking feel some sort of entitlement, and they feel that they deserve more than the average person. The very concept of the Very Important Person is rediculous when it is metted out to the same select group of people, event after event.

Unless you have figured out how to get shit to magically vaporize, you wipe your ass the same way I do. VIP? Whatever.

Sometimes you just need a laugh

Click the above link. Enjoy.

True American Hero

Petty Officer Michael A. Monsoor, United States Navy, distinguished himself through conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty as a Combat Advisor and Automatic Weapons Gunner for Naval Special Warfare Task Group Arabian Peninsula in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom on 29 September 2006. He displayed great personal courage and exceptional bravery while conducting operations in enemy held territory at Ar Ramadi Iraq.

During Operation Kentucky Jumper, a combined Coalition battalion clearance and isolation operation in southern Ar Ramadi, he served as automatic weapons gunner in a combined SEAL and Iraqi Army (IA) sniper overwatch element positioned on a residential rooftop in a violent sector and historical stronghold for insurgents. In the morning, his team observed four enemy fighters armed with AK-47s reconnoitering from roads in the sector to conduct follow-on attacks. SEAL snipers from his roof engaged two of them which resulted in one enemy wounded in action and one enemy killed in action. A mutually supporting SEAL/IA position also killed an enemy fighter during the morning hours. After the engagements, the local populace blocked off the roads in the area with rocks to keep civilians away and to warn insurgents of the presence of his Coalition sniper element. Additionally, a nearby mosque called insurgents to arms to fight Coalition Forces.

In the early afternoon, enemy fighters attacked his position with automatic weapons fire from a moving vehicle. The SEALs fired back and stood their ground. Shortly thereafter, an enemy fighter shot a rocket-propelled grenade at his building. Though well-acquainted with enemy tactics in Ar Ramadi, and keenly aware that the enemy would continue to attack, the SEALs remained on the battlefield in order to carry out the mission of guarding the western flank of the main effort.

Due to expected enemy action, the officer in charge repositioned him with his automatic heavy machine gun in the direction of the enemy’s most likely avenue of approach. He placed him in a small, confined sniper hide-sight between two SEAL snipers on an outcropping of the roof, which allowed the three SEALs maximum coverage of the area. He was located closest to the egress route out of the sniper hide-sight watching for enemy activity through a tactical periscope over the parapet wall. While vigilantly watching for enemy activity, an enemy fighter hurled a hand grenade onto the roof from an unseen location. The grenade hit him in the chest and bounced onto the deck. He immediately leapt to his feet and yelled “grenade” to alert his teammates of impending danger, but they could not evacuate the sniper hide-sight in time to escape harm. Without hesitation and showing no regard for his own life, he threw himself onto the grenade, smothering it to protect his teammates who were lying in close proximity. The grenade detonated as he came down on top of it, mortally wounding him.

Petty Officer Monsoor’s actions could not have been more selfless or clearly intentional. Of the three SEALs on that rooftop corner, he had the only avenue of escape away from the blast, and if he had so chosen, he could have easily escaped. Instead, Monsoor chose to protect his comrades by the sacrifice of his own life. By his courageous and selfless actions, he saved the lives of his two fellow SEALs and he is the most deserving of the special recognition afforded by awarding the Medal of Honor.

Please click the link under the "American Hero" title of this entry.

My personal orchard

This is a photograph of the beautiful flowers that I had on my pear tree. As a new homeowner with a large chunk of land, I am trying to live out the dream I've always had of being able to go out in my own yard and picking fruit off my own trees. In the last month, I have planted a dwarf black tartarian cherry tree, three Nanking cherry trees, a persimmon tree, a Surecrop nectarine tree, two different fig trees, blueberry bushes, and two varieties of raspberries. These were added to my existing trees; two apple trees, a pear tree, a peach tree, and a plum tree. I also have a big crop of wild blackberry vines around the property.

As for these flowers, they have now fallen off, to be replaced by small pears. The tree has little pears all over it. The pears will be great, and so will all of the other fruits, but I really can't wait for my figs. I love fresh figs!

Never lose again.

Last night I was up late, after the rest of the family had fallen asleep, and I watched the Nicholas Cage/Jessica Biel movie "Next." I had heard about the movie a while ago, but I finally had a chance to watch it. The premise is very simple: Nicholas Cage plays a character who is capable of seeing 2 minutes into his future. As a result, he is able to fleece the Las Vegas casinos and avoid capture or death by various entities as the movie progresses. Can you imagine if you had that ability? A mere two minutes, you ask. What good is that? Well, the obvious use would be to go to Vegas and make a killing. Less obvious would be the fact that you probably would never be a loser in any endeavor in life that you attempted. See the hot girl? Your ability to see a mere two minutes into the future would let you know ahead of time if your words or actions will work. Remember Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, who used a trial and error system of failing on one day and taking a different route the next day to score with various women around town? Well, you would be able to do it in real time, and not have to wait until the next day. Imagine what kind of police officer you could be. You would never make a bad tactical decision. You would never be killed in the line of duty. Imagine being a soldier. Same thing. Imagine being a race car driver. Same thing. You would NEVER fail. Just imagine...

My Scooter Cat

This is my Scooter. Those that know me would probably be surprised to know that this is my little buddy. Scooter is a once-feral tabby who has more personality than most dogs.

How did Scooter become part of the family? I lived in a little trailer park when I met my wife. Shortly after my wife (then girlfriend) moved in, we started feeding a feral tabby female who would let me pet her but would not let me pick her up. I named that tabby Ally, a play on the words "Alley Cat" and the fact that at the time I enjoyed watching the TV show Ally McBeal. Ally was unusual in that she didn't meow. When she talked to you, she would let out some sort of half-grunt, half-squeak. As 1998 and 1999 progressed, the number of feral cats in the area began to grow, and at one point there was probably 20 cats roaming the park, and my wife was feeding them all. Well, Ally got pregnant and had some kittens in the summer of 1999. Ally's brood was probably about 2-3 months old when the landlord apparently got tired of all of the cats and made a sweeping eradication, including Ally. Well, one of the cats from Ally's brood was a male tabby who - unlike his siblings - would boldly walk up to the back steps and let you pet him. My wife and I came home one day and noticed there were no cats around. A day or two passed, and suddenly this male tabby was at our back door. My wife opened the back door, and this bold tabby walked into the house, walked to the cat food in the wash room (we had two indoor cats), grabbed a bite to eat, took a whizz in the catbox, and walked out of the house! I told the wife that if he did that again that we would keep him. Well, the next day he did the same thing, so we left him in the house. I started calling him Scooter. Unfortunately, a couple of days later Hurricane Floyd struck the area, and we had to put him out of the house because we were not going to be home for a couple of days, and my wife took the two other house cats with her. When we returned home, Scooter was waiting, and we brought him back in, and he has been a household fixture ever since. Scooter is a bit overweight, but he is very loving. He loves to roll around on the floor in front of you, he makes a chirping sound when he talks to you, and comes when you call him.

Scooter almost died last year. I believe that he had consumed some of that tainted food that had been imported from China, and his kidneys began to fail. We managed to nurse him back to health, but the poor little guy was miserable with the catheter in him and being confined in a cage.

I'm not a cat person, but if all cats were like Scooter, then I'd have many more.