War/Action Movies

I didn't create the following list. It is a simple cut-and-paste, so the spelling errors are from the original author (it's a little too lengthy to go through and correct).

War Movie Cliches You're very likely to survive any battle in any war, unless you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Every army platoon has at least one, usually black, member who can play the harmonica.

All G.I.s know how to make a still out of a jeep radiator.

If a soldier tries to look up an old buddy who was transferred to different unit, the buddy will be dead, or will die shortly there after.

If a main character dies, his sweetheart back home will have nightmare at that exact same moment

New replacements always get killed before you can even learn their names.

The hero's weapon is always different from everyone elses.

Every unit has a "Scrounge" who can get you anything from an atomic bomb to a date with the general's daughter for a bottle of cheap scotch, or vice-versa.

The platoon sargeant never has a grenade on him, so he Always asks someone else for the grenade, then pulls the pin out with his teeth. (which will usually cause you to lose teeth before extracting the pin!)

Everyone who joins an Airborne (parachute) outfit doesn't understand why anyone would jump out of perfectly good airplane.

Elite units (Special Forces, Rangers, Commandos) are always recruited from convicts and other socially degenerate segments of society.

Elite units are always considered expendable even though they cost much much more to train and maintain.

Roger, wilco -- over and out. nuff said. Radio transmission are always improper.

The German Army always uses U. S. Patton Tanks.

Cannons, howitzers, and main tank guns NEVER recoil, unless its old documentary footage.

The battle hardened vet will always fall on a grenade for the new guy, rather than picking up the grenade and throwing it away, or jumping out of the fox hole.

Fox holes never have overhead protection, or grenade pits.

Only the "Japs" and the "VC" bother to use booby traps.

German soldier always wear grey uniforms and jack-boots, though these uniforms were pretty much pahsed out by mid 1943.

SS soldiers always wear there dress black uniform.

The British Army is only allowed to fight in North Africa, and even then only elite forces other than the LRDG and SAS are allowed to fight.

Only the Marines fought the war in the Pacific. No Army personnel were involved.

The military hero always carries a special knife with an 11 inch + blade and a hollow handle with all sorts of gadgets. (most soldiers stick with the standard bayonet [6 in blade], Marine Corps Fighting knife[7 in blade], or airforce[5 1/2 in blade] survival knife.

None have hollow handles because hollow handles break too easily)

Snipers always know exactly where someone will pop there Head out of trench and soldiers in trenches never use mirrors or periscopes, like they did in World War One.

Any kid, or dog for that matter can wonder around through an artillery barrage and not get killed while half the outfit will always get wiped out.

No one will shoot the hero and the battle will even come to a stand still while the hero cries in agony and curse that "it should've been him" when his best friend steps on the land mine/get blown up/ dies charging the machine gun nest. The battle will resume as soon as the hero gets over his grief and gets angry. The hero will be victorious within 45 seconds of becoming angry.

Any machine gun nest can be approached from behind without dificulty, but not until half the unit has been wiped out.

Soldiers will ask for keys for military vehicles even though these vehicles dont use keys.

If soldiers start to eat/drink/change socks/go to the bathroom, they will get orders to move out immediately.

Soldiers will always make a comment about the food, usually something along the line of "I stepped in it but I've never ate it" or "if we feed this to the "krauts" we'd win the war tomorrow."

Soldiers and sailors must have at least on bar room brawl usually followed by a scene where they come to each others mutual aid the next day.

There has to be a scene involving giving chocolate to children or nylons/cigarettes to women in a WW II movie. The soldiers never try to take advantage of the situation by asking for sexual favors in return.

There is also an obligatory scene where a soldier reads a travel brochure about beautiful Italy/Germany/France/Guam/ while the camera pans across the blown up country side.

If the travel guide scene is omitted, you'll be treated with the scene where a soldier comments about how nice everything looks, too bad there's a war going on, he's going to come back when this is all over.
He'll be shot by a sniper shortly after this scene.

WEAPONS

Major characters never run out of ammunition, nor do they ever have to reload. (If the movie does make them reload, they never have to actually carry any spare ammo until that scene)

Guns never run out of ammunition unless escape would be otherwise impossible. The first shot or burst of fire from a bad guy always misses, and is there just to announce that a fight will be taking place.

Bad-guy hand grenades make noise and smoke, but no real damage; good-guy hand grenades are devastating but selective; they will destroy tanks, but won't hurt the thrower, even if he drops one on his toe.
Bad-guy grenades used by good guys become good-guy grenades, and vice versa.

When the villain runs out of bullets, he'll throw away his gun. When the hero does so, he'll conveniently come across another.

Machine guns submerged underwater for a long time won't jam or misfire when the hero pops up to use them. (see any Rambo movie)

A cigarette case/lighter in the shirt pocket will always block the bullet.

When the hero faces a ridiculously large number of shooters with high powered weapons, they will all miss after several shots. Then, the hero will pulls out this gun that looks like a toy and start picking off the bad guys from half a mile away, usually hitting them in the forehead.

People always pump out a few (probably used) shotgun shells at each corner when chasing someone.

When people aim a rifle with binocular-sight at someone on a very long distance, they manage to keep them in the bull's-eye all the time even if they move around.

When faced with dozens of armed opponents, the good guy will show up and appear to be shot, perhaps dozens of times. He will fall down, and presumably be dead, but will later miraculously turn out to have had the

foresight to wear a bulletproof vest, armor plating, or even a silver tray to protect his torso (Batman). No one will ever shoot him in the head, where he is unprotected. Afterwards, instead of learning from his extremely good fortune, he throws his protection away, confident that the same situation cannot recur in his movie.

When superheroes like Batman or Robocop use high technology to protect themselves, the bad guys never take advantage of obvious weaknesses, such as no face protection.

Characters shot with guns will fly backward, or upward and backward, through the air - the laws of physics notwithstanding.

Characters use silencers on revolvers... and it works.

In 50% of action movies made after 1988, "Teflon Coated Cop Killer Bullets" will be referred to.

No movie character will ever use or refer to a safety on any firearm.

No movie character will ever use a .22-caliber weapon.

The cowboy who exchanges a dozen shots with the bad guys without hitting one will nevertheless be able to hit and detonate a stick of dynamite from 150 feet away with a revolver on the first try.

Once a character has flipped up the long range site on his rifle, he will always make his next shot.

Bullets removed from shooting victims and displayed to the camera will not be misshapen in any way from the impact - and will sometimes still have the casing attached.

Shots fired at the rear of a vehicle will cause the gas tank to explode.

Shots fired at windshields never deflect; they always penetrate and hit the bad guy in the forehead. If the good guy is driving, he'll simply have to duck a little to avoid them.

Shots fired at guys hiding around corners never whiz past; they always strike the edge of the building near the character's face.

Shots fired in Westerns that do not hit a character always ricochet loudly.

If there is a trough of water present in a Western Gunfight scene, at least one shot will splash spectacularly in the water.

Western characters are never shot in the legs while hiding behind wagons.

No gun will ever jam or misfire after a quick-draw.

In a duel or in a gunfight between two characters standing in a street, at least one charcter is always hit on the first exchange of gunfire.

No debris will ever fall from a ceiling after a gun is Fired upward into it. Shurrikens and thrown knives never miss, unless they pin a character's clothing to a wall or tree.

Horses are never wounded in horseback gunfights.

Assassins will always wait 'till the very last moment to assemble their complex sniper weapon (often a pistol the size of a rifle).

Even weapons experts will freeze when confronted with a weapon which is not in firing condition-ie an un-cocked single actionrevolver or a submachine gun with its breech closed (also un-cocked). The personholding the gun must make several moves to fire the gun, and the adversary could just reach out and take the weapon, but the dropee just freezes even though often it is obvious that the cylinder is devoid of
any ammo.

Movie gunmen never lock and load their weapons when anticipating a life-or-death confrontation. Oh they have their weapons drawn, but not charged with a round in the chamber. They usually (always when carrying
a pump-action shotgun) wait until they confront their quarry to slam a round into the chamber with a dramatic ca-chunking noise.

Bullets, even though they are only pieces of lead-sometimes encased in copper, always make little explosions when they strike any kind of inanimate object.

Photos of loved ones, religous medals, and bibles can stop bullets better than a bullet proof vest.

All sub machine guns sound alike and have the same rate of fire

NEW requirement: all automatic pistols must be held sideways in order to be fired.

If you are a cowboy, aiming your rifle while using you rhorse as a support will always assure a first round hit.

All aautomatic weapons must be cocked in order to be fired, but bolt action weapons can fire two or three times without being cocked!

You can never un-jam a weapon by just pulling back the bolt and rechambering another round, 'though that will work 99 times out of 100 in real life.